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Hi! First time support group poster here. I'm 49 y/o female

[150]

Hi! First time support group poster here. I'm 49 y/o female who abuses alcohol. Nothing happened to me in my life (other than anxiety) to make me want to drink- I just really, really enjoy it. I am an anxious person and a little shy, so I always felt like a little "liquid courage" helps me loosen up and have more fun in social situations. Now I just embarrass myself. My poison is red wine, but I will drink most anything around. I honestly don't even remember how i got to this point. I started off with a glass of wine to "relax" every evening after work. After a while, that glass became 2, then 3, then 4+. Now it takes at least half a bottle before the buzz kicks in - once that happens, I have no stopping point. I used to be able to control it- stop when I felt I had too much. Those days are gone. I have become very depressed lately and have been "self medicating". When I have had too much, I sometimes get out of control and am very angry. My husband always seems to be my verbal punching bag during these episodes.... until Monday night. My daughters, ages 17 and 20, were the unlucky victims this time. I have NEVER cursed my children or screamed at them. I feel absolutely horrible! Apparently, I was screaming and out of control - even told them I hate them and to "F" off. They were on the phone with my husband, who is out of town and heard it all. My daughters nor my husband will speak to me (rightfully so). I am so hurt and disgusted with myself that I have hurt them. This is my rock bottom! I feel certain my husband will divorce me after this, but my main concern is my children right now. I hope I haven't caused irreversible damage. Sorry to ramble

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[1180]
Jan 13

Dear Jenn,
I really applaud you for writing so honestly and genuinely. This shows how really special you are. You are willing to be vulnerable and honest with YOURSELF and that is half the battle. Drinking is a slippery slope and what you describe happens to so many. Please do not beat yourself up...what others said is right, it will only suck the life out of you and leave you feeling immobile. Instead, be proud that you see the problem and attack it with all you got. The suggestion of AA is a great one and Al-Anon for your husband and children. Your family loves you and they will forgive you when they see that you are dealing with this and want to be healed. This program is incredibly supportive and will address all the issues surrounding alcohol dependency. It will also offer you a 24/7 support system which is so important. There are meetings everywhere, seven days a week at all hours. I hope you will consider this. You are important and make it a priority to take care of yourself. Be honest with your family and ask them to love you through this. Please know that you are in my prayers.

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[150]
Jan 13

HopeandMoreHope,
You have no clue how badly I needed to hear this! The guilt has been eating at me, which makes me want to drink, butI am trying to be strong. I have had several people suggest AA, so I suppose I will give it a try. I truly appreciate the encouragement and covet your prayers!

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[1180]
Jan 16

Hi Jenn,
I appreciate your kind words.....and I am praying for you! You can do this! I hope the last few days have given you resolve and strength. God will NOT let you go, you can be sure of that. Hoping you made it to an AA meeting where you will feel loved and accepted and understood. Blessings.

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