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hello everyone, coming here today to release some thoughts.

aas93's picture
[165]

hello everyone,
coming here today to release some thoughts. i've been dealing with depression since i was 12 years old. Since my parents divorce. I think a lot of my depression comes from my fathers drinking. I used to be too young to really understand it, but now it takes a huge toll on me. My father does not go out to bars anymore or drink and drive thankfully (he has had mulitple DUI's however) but every night he drinks himself to sleep to the point where he stumbles to bed and doesn't remember anything i say the next day. He knows that his drinking hurts me, but i'm still very afraid to tell him his drinking and his personality that follows puts me in a depressive state. is there anything i can do to get my courage up to talk to him without hurting his feelings and being supportive at the same time. he did used to drink liquor every night but now that's just on the weekend because he realizes i'm more around when he doesn't drink liquor. now it's just beer. am i being irrational? what should i do?

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[95495]
Jun 11

No, you're not being irrational. It must have been very painful to deal with his drinking and therefore his being unavailable for you, and especially when you needed him most, after the divorce of your parents. Are you an adult now? Are you living with your father or mother? If you're living with him it could be a delicate operation to confront him, and especially if you're not independent of your father. Can you get, or have you gotten, counseling for your own self care? If and when you are ready to talk to him, it seems like it would be best to approach it from the perspective of your own hurt and pain rather than from an accusational perspective. Most people don't respond well to criticism or accusation. I do understand how hard it is to live with a drunk. My husband was a drunk for seven years and did get rehab.: ( During his addiction, I got very depressed but the depression kind of sneaked up on me. It also impacted our children. Thankfully he stopped.

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aas93's picture
[165]
Jun 12

@Scat yes i'm 24 now, and i do still live with him. i used to think maybe i should just move out and move myself from the toxicity but he also is very depressed as well and uses alcohol to help him. he is a very good father and always wants to make me happy, but alcohol to him is the last thing he has since the divorce and i feel like me moving away will only worsen the situation. i have gotten counseling and i am still in journey to beat depression. but i do think may be both of us need to get some sort of counseling i guess. thank you for your help scat

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[95495]
Jun 12

@aas93, You sound like a very caring person.
There is family counseling as well as individual. So you may be able to invite your father to a counseling session and also, it could be a good example for your father if you get help with your own personal growth. Cheers and best wishes.

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