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I've started on Selincro that my gf bought me at over £130

I've started on Selincro that my gf bought me at over £130 for 28. She expected it to work instantly and now that I'm 7 days down the line and not drinking the amount she has arbitrarily decided is acceptable (3 cans) or even better given up entirely (which is not my intention) she's treating me like ****. Being asked how much you're going to drink each night with an angry response when you try to be honest and reasonable is hardly encouragement to do better. I'm also constantly being told I'm talking rubbish. The gas lighting drives me insane too, no matter what I answer her questions with its either not true or not what she wants to hear so unacceptable...

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May 17, 2017

@WizdmSkr I really appreciate your taking the time to reply to me with such insight. Yes, "spiritual starvation" for sure. I'm 50 years old and have grown up with a mother that was an alcoholic and now an alcoholic husband. I've done Alateen and Alanon- but it never has been consistent. I started out in this marriage really fighting and nagging and pouting about the drinking but the past 5 years or so I've just been ignoring it and choosing to not be around it (I think I'm just tired). What has got me all worked up again is recently I've been hearing hints here and there from people- and the fact that our son hears conversations and relays them to me, is that when he gets to drinking he starts talking and complaining about me... apparently, he will tell friends, neighbors, people at the bar, and anyone about our private life and telling people he's not "getting it at home." I'm embarrassed. I confronted him about it but he denies it because he doesn't remember it. I guess he thinks I'm just making it up. It's hard not to be disgusted when he's playing such a pitiful victim. I bite my tongue but sometimes I want to tell him "how would you like it if I tell everyone how you can't get it up because you're a drunk?!"
For me, this drinking is the "other woman." Honestly, I'd almost rather it be another woman- THAT I can almost understand!
It's not just with drinking, it's just about anything that will give him a buzz. He once got Xanax from a doctor and ate the whole month supply in a week. Fortunately, his job does random drug testing but sometimes I'm worried that he will slip and lose is job. He is a very functional alcoholic and never misses work.
As it is right now, I've kinda pushed him in a corner. Our last conversation was me telling him we need a divorce mediator. I told him that he deserves to live the life that he wants, too. If he wants to drink, drug, watch porn- he can do that. Just not with me. He's not fighting it this time so it may happen.

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May 17, 2017

@MattJ I feel like I started out sympathetic to this addiction but after years of living with it I'm just disgusted. I know that sounds awful but that's how I feel. I don't look at my husband and see him as my family's hero or protector. I see him as selfish and I'm turned off. I'm not wanting to invite people over. I'm not wanting to go anywhere with him (we usually have to hurry home so he can pop a tab - he'll make some excuse why he needs to go home). Alcohol will get in the way one way or another. It gets lonely. It's just been years of this. He'll stop drinking but it always creeps back up and with each creep up it gets worse. He's not a mean drunk- his drinking only brings out the mean in me. I'm a nice person and I don't like being mean. But that's how he sees me now- just a boring unhappy and mean person- and he's telling our friends and neighbors just that. I'm embarrassed and he denies he does it because he doesn't remember it. I don't talk to our mutual friends/neighbors about it because I don't want to disrespect him (that's why I'm on this site anonymously).
Anyway, I get what you're saying about your GF. She needs to work on herself too. We all have issues we need to work on to be better people. I think from my point of view (not being an alcoholic) I see an alcoholic and just want to say snap out of it and just stop the drinking already! Be a man and just deal with it! It's so hard to understand how a person can allow a substance to control them.
How your GF is acting shouldn't affect your mission to stop/cut down on drinking because you're doing that for yourself right?!

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MattJ's picture
May 18, 2017

You should probably split, at least temporarily with your husband. He stands no chance of getting into a situation where he can manage his drinking himself while having bitter resentment from you. He can't control it for you, it has to be for him. It sounds like you want what he could be and not what he is, it's scary because you could lose him but I think it's the only answer. I wish my GF would let me go, but, like I said, she's a narciccist and uses emotional blackmail to keep me from leaving and working on myself.


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