I haven't been on here in a while. My ex and I have been sep

L00singitall's picture
(1460)
Jun 5 in Alcohol, Emotional Abuse, Infidelity

I haven't been on here in a while. My ex and I have been separated for over a year now and we have became closer then we have been in years. But as soon as there is alcohol involved everything goes to crap. I am tired of being blamed for mistakes I made in 2013!!! But when I bring up d day, (which by the way was last April when I found out that he had been cheating on her for 2 YEARS with someone 10 years older than us) I'm the bad guy, I'm a who*e, liar, b***h, ect. How is it fair when I stand up for myself I'm treated like I'm a piece of garbage on the bottom of someone's shoe? But if I tell him that's how I feel then I'm playing the "victim" card and I'm called a narcissist. I was the one kicked out of our home when I found out, my world was turned upside down and I had to pick myself up and be strong for our kids. But some how in all this I'm the selfish one. I'm called selfish at least twice a month for the past year. I've been going to therapy, and I've been working on myself and after tonight I feel like this is the final straw. Unfortunately, I love this man so much to still be around after all this and he hasn't changed at all. I don't know what to do, I'm in uncharted territory here and any advice is appreciated.

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L00singitall's picture
(1460)
Jul 17

@workingonthings This is what I am struggling with. If I take my emotions out of the situation I know logically it would be best to walk away and never look back. But I have this emotional attachment to him that I am trying to break. I can't keep letting someone tell me that there's something wrong with me and that I'm broken and I need help. I don't feel like anyone should be talked to this way.

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(690)
Jul 22

@L00singitall

Love does crazy things to us. In some cases it causes pain only because we care. And I (and probably many of us) get that. But the only way to fix things is if HE understands how hard you are being pushed and really wants to fix it. Much harder if alcohol has a grip on him and he always wants you to be the bad guy.

Until he accepts his rightful part, things are not going to get better.

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Scat's picture
(342875)
Jul 24

He definitely is gas lighting and smearing you, to make you out to be the bad guy. Is your husband a narcissist? I'm serious. I'm not a person who thinks everyone is. But my estranged husband is a narc, and did exactly what yours is doing. He pinned the blame of the demise of the marriage on me, though he cheated and I had to leave because I could never get him to leave the house. So he has both cars, the house, our launching daughter living with him. He gas-lit me every time that I was the problem. I feel like, with a toxic person like that, no-contact is sometimes ideal. I mean, if you can avoid talking to him, unless it's about the children, finances or whatever ties are being ironed out. Just from my experience, an unreasonable person cannot be reasoned with.

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