I was adopted when I was almost 2 years old. The first 2 yea

I was adopted when I was almost 2 years old. The first 2 years of my life were not so good but I don't rembember of course anything from it. I was neglected a lot and never stayed at one place at a time for a l ong time, with different caregivers ,and almost died once due to my bilogical mother's drug abuse and neglect. I got fostered at 1 and 1/2 years old or older , temporary to begin with. I couldn connect to my "parents", they couldn't change my diaper without help, I didn't want to be with them or be held, but they wanted me and they adopted me later. My childhood was always difficult and I am quiet sure that I had RAD and I think I am still dealing with it. My parents adopted my bilogical brother as well as soon as he was born, and I was then 3 years old. He and my parents have always connected very well togeher and he feels like they are his parents and the home is and was his home. I have a different story. I didn't like to be touched or held. I was always like a guest in my house. I asked if I could sit in the sofa or be with them. I sat on the floor when they where all watching tv together. Then my "mother" started drinking a lot and being abusive both physically and emotionally to me and my brother as well but the abuse hit me worse because of my behavioral problems and because I was a girl. My brother was more calm and polite and didn't have any behavioral problems at all. Long story short, I don't trust people, no one. I can only attach to my kids(now, it was difficult with the first child), not husband, not friends or family. I have always felt lika an alien, from another world and I have not feeling of having any roots or "home". I have been diagnosed with Bipolar, Anxiety Disorder, Social Fobia, Borderline Personality Disorder, ADHD, Autism disorder, Fibromyalgia and Major Depression. I am on benefits and haven't been able to work for a long time. I am trying now to study. My have been hell and full of challenges. I have been trough trauma after trauma due to my RAD and low self esteem. I some times wonder if its ever going to be oK. I have spend a lot of money going to psychiatrists, psychologists and therapists. I have been to rehabilitations and treatment clinics due to my alcoholism. I am no sober for 15 years. But still struggling, every day. Some day better than other, but struggling, struggling. I feel like I am damaged foor good. Is there somone here, that has recovered from this/or similar ? and if so, how ? thank you

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[80]
Aug 28

* "my life has been hell"

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[80]
Aug 28

And maybe to say, if someone is adopting, if the attachment is not happening or something is wrong at all, please get as much help as you can. Never be to proud. My parents didn't and they were also proud and it was the 80's. Now we know we have a better system and more knowledge. Don't wait.

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[10]
Sep 29

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