***warning,adult themes or maybe tmi in this***I've been wit

***warning,adult themes or maybe tmi in this***I've been with a guy for over 6 years, i didn't realize he was toxic to me until about 3 years in.... after he convinced me to move 3 hours away from where I lived to live with him... we met at a ski place and he was so polite and nice and shy.. really respectful... unlike any guy I'd meet before. He tracked me down on fb and we started chatting... eventually started dating and he'd drive to come see me, asked me to be his girlfriend.... said he wanted to find a job where I lived and move down to be with me. Etc etc. He was like perfect.. we had so much in common and I felt bad for him because he had told me his past relationship woes of the "evil ex gf who cheated".... told me I was his dream girl... Etc etc all the good stuff. Then the weird little no filter remarks started.. just a little here and there to confuse me.. I started to think maybe he had aspergers or something and just didn't have a filter.. so I let it go. He would disappear for days claiming he lost his phone, started adding a bunch of different women on Facebook... would purposely try to spark jealousy in me and make remarks about past sexual experiences, started blatantly liking other women's selfies on fb.. the ones he just befriended.... and so on. I thought it was weird and it bothered me... and at the time i didn't realize he was purposely trying to make me jealous, which he stated to me later on in the relationship when i caught him talking to other women behind my back. Before that happened though he was still leading me on about moving down to my area. Suddenly out of nowhere 5 months into our relationship he broke up with me via telephone.. I was devastated.. I wrote him a letter pouring my heart out about how I felt about him.. he came down the next day and insisted he had never broken up with me and was just confused. So we were back together... it wasn't until a few months later I caught him texting other women and broke up with him.. it was my golden birthday and he came down, was helping me set up a party when i decided to look in his phone out of curiosity and I had seen him enter his password earlier. There it all was, i confronted him and told him to leave.. he smoothed it over saying how she was just a friend, that his mom introduced them cause she was looking for a running buddy.. he even called his mom and had her verify this.. like that made it any better. I want satisfied and looked more later in the night to find a conversation with his sister talking about a girl he crushed on that wouldn't go out with him because his aunt mentioned he had a gf (me). That's when i broke it off. He reeled me back in, smoothing all his lies over making them seem like i was over reacting.. and how much he loved me and all that.. I fell for it. He said he felt lonely and was pretty sure i was still "banging" my daughter's dad. Which i wasn't... and got confused.. but he had no intentions of dating anyone else.. and certainly had never cheated on me.. I think back to this stuff and feel dumb for falling for it but i did. He had doubts about moving here so guess what i did? Moved 3 and a half hours away from everything and everyone so we could be together. Quit my job of 10 years, moved my daughter... thinking this guy was my soulmate.. because he told me he was.. he would say how we were puzzle pieces that fit.. Etc. All the nice things you eat up.. while throwing insults in here and there to catch me off gaurd.. but then he would say he's joking. He started calling me a tank, or referring to my boobs as sagbags.. my legs as hamhocks.. I'd say that hurt my feelings and he'd say I'm a baby. He would constantly accuse me of cheating, ask me everyday how many guys had flirted with me, how many guys I let "finger bang" me or "black d**ks" i sucked. He made me quit the first job I had 7 months in because he didn't want me working with a bunch of dudes.. started accusing me of sleeping with anyone and everyone, all his friends, even his family members. I would come home and he'd stick his hand down in my pants and feel me, and say "who's c*m is this?" If i had ANY amount of vaginal secretions, i started to feel like I had to walk on eggshells constantly... make sure I kept my vagina dry at all times. It sounds stupid as heck... I would try to have sex with him and he'd turn me down only to complain later how I never have sex with him. He constantly needed attention. I was a mess, always on edge, i went on anti anxiety medication, which helped.. I was able to go on autopilot and not react emotionally to him like before. This made me more upset.. and when i told him I was unhappy with our relationship and felt he was manipulating and controlling me, and I hated that he called me names... he denied all of it saying he's been nothing but a great "lovey" to me. He'll use baby talk to make himself seem all sweet and innocent. I stayed... and then this got more messed up. He had lost his job a while ago and I was very supportive of him, trying to be his cheerleader and keep him upbeat... until one day he started in on me and I said something about how I've been nothing but supportive since his layoff and he responded "what.. do you think you deserve an award for that?". I gave up and stopped caring after that. I confided in a mutual male friend of ours what was going on. It felt good to reach out to someone, especially since they knew him too. He found out I was talking to him and flipped out of course saying how dare i talk to his friends, and that i had cheated on him, and I was a horrible person. I thought he'd leave me, and was ready for it.. but he didn't. He just used to against me to put me further into a hole. I'm only writing this now because he fell asleep downstairs and i can hear him snoring. It's been over a year since then and he doesn't "allow" me to use any kind of tech. He throws a fit if i even touch my phone. Tells me I make him anxious and I shouldn't do that if i really loved him. Pushes my buttons till I explode and yell something like "why are you such an a**hole?" Then accuses me of name calling and abuse. I called him a pathological liar once..he told me "thereyou go again with the name calling" ... I could go on andon but you get he point. But he goes into charming nice guy mode and he's sweet... tell me how sexy it beautiful i am, cook me dinner, buy me a "best lovey gift".. the mind f***ery is real. He slept downstairs last night because he was mad i wasnt paying enough attention to him because i was tired afterworking double shifts. I am trying to make the break from this person... but everytime I say we need to break up he tells me "no" and "that's so hurtful to say that" he'll even "cry" which i am pretty sure he's making himself cry somehow... he will threaten suicide. He scares me. Any advice for getting outof this? I know I should justleave and block all contact. My empathy is f***ing me over here because i feel bad for him still and don't want to hurt him, even though my logical is sure he will just move on to someone else rather quickly. I can't do it anymore though. I feel empty inside and like I'm just not me anymore, just a shell of my former self as the saying goes. Anyone been though this? How do you separate yourself from the side of the person you love, i know it's a facade but i still love it.

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[310]
Dec 8

@kelly72 thanks for the response. I am working on it, i have a plan. I'm just depressed and feeling weak.. I feel guilty for having stayed as long as i have, i logically know what he is doing is wrong

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[310]
Dec 8

@StaticCookie But there is a part of me that is wound up in his manipulations. I hate this feeling.

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[825]
Dec 8

look, if you are a 1000% positive and ready to leave that guy , yet trapped into his manipulations, there is something you can do. It works 99.9% of the time with narcs and in fact with anybody. so u said this guy has u trapped by all his manipulations. narcs work on supply, and they usually want a certain amount of it. If they get more attention than they want, they feel that they can discard the person, that they worked enough on manipulation techniques to get and achieve what they want, and after the achievement of their goal comes the discard. So my advice for u to finally resolve this situation and walk away from it: Give him way more attention than he wants for a few days, make sure its way above what he needs and wants. be clingui, always say "is this because u dont love me enough? Did u do that cos u dont love me?" Turn all his accusations against him by saying " I cant believe u love me so little that u would dare to say that" and just pretend u r head over heels for him, completely overload (and i mean overload) him with texts, emails, attention, etc. He will cease to manipulate as it will seem to him he achieved his goal, he will lose interest in you, get tired of you and annoyed of u. continue this behaviour until u are safely split and he cant get you back, and u are on the safe side. then if he hoovers u - tried to get you back - remember its not about u but about the attention and make sure u have everything blocked and unavailable. i know this might not be too honest as a step, but with manipulators - in fact with most guys if u want to lose them - it tends to work wonderfully if you want to be dumped.

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