I'm a Muslim. And studying Quran (holy book) during childhoo

Scemo's picture
[885]

I'm a Muslim. And studying Quran (holy book) during childhood is a part of our life. So I had this female teacher who would hit us with a stick or would slap us.... Sometimes she would make us stand in a pose which would be uncomfortable.... I studied for 4 years n those years damaged my personality In the best way possible. I used to be a confident child. N it left me with no confidence. Its been 6 years n I'm still struggling. N its not just confidence. I'm going through other psychological problems at the same time... Its only getting worst .... I dun remember the last time I felt confident about myself.

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DyslexLuthor's picture
[3275]
Nov 19

@Scemo I've been through the same thing. I think my problem wasn't God or my reading "Holy Writings", but the way my mind was interpreting what I was reading and the way I was imagining God to see me. Also, I think other religious people made it hard because, though I think the purpose of religion is actually to expand your mind, morality, virtue, and understanding of others, it feels like it has the opposite effect on some religious people and makes them more judgmental because they fail to see their own flaws but are seeing other people through lenses of criticism even if they don't have all the facts and are not seeing you accurately. Like the watch repairman I mentioned, I don't think that is God's fault or even religion in and of itself - it's a flaw in the human character. We need to be able to look at things objectively, and you don't have to give up on being a spiritual person to do that. What is spirituality if not the ability to step back from our own perspective and try to see things from a higher point of view, to imagine things we are unfamiliar with or cannot see and then try to practically apply it in our lives. One might even argue that science and art are spiritual pursuits since both are start as abstract concepts outside the realm of our senses and then are applied in a practical way. For example, how did we think to discover radio waves? How does an artist conceive his work of art before making it material?

All I'm saying is that maybe you need a change of perspective on yourself, tell yourself a different story about yourself. Looking at a mountain, is it snowy or is it rocky? It depends on your point of view relative to the mountain. Is it dangerous and treacherous or is it majestic and breathtaking. Depends on where you're standing. Does any of that make sense? Hope it does. ;)

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Scemo's picture
[885]
Nov 19

Can u plz elaborate the last para?

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DyslexLuthor's picture
[3275]
Nov 19

@Scemo There are two kinds of truth, subjective truth and objective truth. Subjective truth is like saying "the mountain is snowy" because it's subject to the point of view of the onlooker. Objective truth might be "there is snow on the mountain". As human beings, we only have limited perspective.
We have to depend a lot on others to give us a narrative to help us have perspective. So, in that way, everything in a human life is like a story. When people we trust tell us things, we tend to believe their perspective, especially when you are a child and it's an adult telling you. Only thing is, what the adult is telling you might only be true from their point of view, not objectively true. OR, and this is also a possibility that you must entertain when trying to gain perspective on yourself based on the story you've been given at an impressionable age, what you've been told is objectively untrue.

The point is that we, and especially children, shape our future based on the story we believe. If I tell you that if you go down Maple St. there is a vicious dog that's going to bite you, if you believe me, you take a different road and your outcome is different. Was there really a dog? It doesn't matter, you made your decisions and your future outcome was shaped by the story I told you. The same thing is true about your view of yourself. If you were told that you were bad or inadequate in some way, you can choose to either believe the story and proceed based on that belief, or you can choose to believe something else and have a different outcome. You are in control of your destiny. Yes, others can have a huge impact on that, but ultimately your thoughts are the one thing that is your unalienable property.

So, what I'm saying is, if someone tells you, either through word or action, that you are worthless, you have two choices; believe them or don't. If you believe them, then you will have problems making decisions for yourself or feeling confident to do anything. If you choose to attempt to see the situation objectively, "I was a normal kid. She reacted inappropriately to my normal child behavior. She probably didn't mean to mislead me into thinking I was defective in some way, this was probably how she was raised and believed she was doing the right thing. What she did affects me, but it doesn't define me. I'm going to keep on reminding myself that there's no reason for me to feel this way whenever I start, and if I have trouble accepting that, then I'm going to go through a personal checklist to see if there is some objective reason why I feel inadequate. If I can spot something that I am actually doing or not doing that makes me feel this way, I am either going to do what I need to or stop doing what's making me feel this way. I'm going to use objective self-examination to help me get through my life because the "wrist watch" that are my emotions cannot be trusted, the repairman damaged my compass and now I cannot rely on it to form my opinions and make my decisions, so I'm going to go about it differently".

@Scemo, I'm honestly working on trying to be less wordy, but I couldn't think of a more abbreviated way to elaborate.

Even though this is connected to religion in your mind, I think it's irrelevant in the broader sense. Your broken compass, your damaged wrist watch is making you see things in a distorted way.

When I used to read religious texts, it only reminded me of abuse I endured as a child. What I was reading and the what it was speaking to me and the memories and emotions it invoked were not necessarily the same thing. I had to take a step back and take a break from it briefly and gain a more balanced perspective on life and then come back and read the same verses again. Now, I see what I'm reading in a different perspective, and when I'm tempted to feel differently, I go through the same process that I laid out to you. I ask myself if what I'm reading really describes what I think it does, or if I am seeing it from a distorted lense of my dysfunctional upbringing. If something I read seems to be negative and untrue, I just put it on the back burner of my mind and focus on other parts that can improve me as a person. Who knows, maybe I'll come back to those other parts at a different time in my life and see them from a different perspective.

How about now? Am I making sense? :D

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