I was sexually abused In working with my therapist, I unders
I was sexually abused In working with my therapist, I understand that the symptoms I'm dealing with are PTSD. I know this takes time and I may not recover everything, but I'll likely recover a lot more. I find this very frustrating because it is hard to feel like a whole person.I haven't as yet had anyone confirm that what I have contains some elements of PTSD but to be honest, I'm pretty confident it does. That pervert hideous woman was touching, squeezing, rubbing, and patting my breasts on a daily basis for six months.She has always liked to lay her cheek on my breasts.I was embarr***ed.I just remember feeling so scared. I felt so unsafe..That creepy predator woman was always saying to me that i am so tall and big and soft.She was grabbing my breasts and butt.There was no part of my body that was off limits to her.She was always trying to "cop a feel" (my ***, crotch, or breasts)She used to slap my butt all the time and I found it terribly insulting. I just felt like it was putting me down and treating me like I was inferior. it was like a possessive "You are MY woman" thing.She did that to me almost every chance she got and I HATED it!She was hitting my butt probably twenty times a day.That skinny short ugly woman was doing that to feel powerful and to put me in a subservient position I am wearing satin and silk tight form fitting clothes i am always on high heels full make up.I am dressing my breasts (and I fully get that mine are big) fashionably flawlessly by showing off their shape while simultaneously keeping them —for the most part—covered.I love wearing tight clothes; I like the way they look. I don't dress in a way I think looks nice to attract other though, I do it because it makes me feel nice :)I prefer wearing clothes that fit well I have no shame in who I am and what I look like.That pervert repulsive lesbian was saying to me that she is manhandling my breasts.She was constantly rubbing or squishing my breasts..My therapist thinks that this short skinny ugly mature pervert woman has frotteurism. Anyone who derives sexual pleasure from non-consensual touching is potentially diagnosable with frotteuristic disorder. Frotteurism is a paraphilia.My therapist is saying that sexual groping, like rape, is about domination the victim is expected to just endure the abuse. There is also a sadistic element, since the aggressor’s gratification comes as much from humiliating the victim and observing her reaction as from the act of touching. That lesbian geek was bragging herself that since she was a teenager she was groping sexually abusing and humiliating tall curvy attractive heterosexual women.Just feel so messed up in my head i just find it so hard to go on. It has left me feeling like I just can't get out of this despair. I wonder if I somehow did something to deserve all this.That pervert woman was always coming up behind me in the hallway and touching my butt.She was always grabbing my ***. It was so annoying.She was always behind me rubbing my butt.That lesbian geek was always grabbing my breasts and butt.She was saying that she owns my boobs.She'd walk by me or come up from behind and just put her hands on my breasts I felt like I was a sexual object.She was constantly touching my boobs.She treated my body like a play toy for her amusement.I just can't stop thinking about my abuse and humiliation.That hideous pervert woman ruined me psychologically.I am devastated.She was sexually abusing me molesting me humiliating me on a daily basis for six months.Her grabby hands were all over me.Why was i allowing her to do that to me?I was totally PARALYZED.
@friendlyface I was clearly uncomfortable, but no one at work helped me.I was absolutely horrified.She was groping my breasts, butt and thighs countless times.This went on for six months.Can a straight woman be comfortable with a lesbian woman? Is it possible for a straight woman to feel comfortable with caress and touch her lesbian friend?My therapist thinks that being a lesbian does not mean you automatically fancy every woman you see any more than being straight means you fancy every man.Short mature masculine lesbians often "accidently" brush against my breasts. Some of them seem to think that just because we're in a crowded area, they can do a boob grab and be inconspicuous about it. Mostly happens to me in stores if I am standing alone for a moment, once on a bus. An butt grab/boob grab tends to be a 'hit and go' type of thing that you can fume about, the waist thing lingers and makes me feel trapped. Am i paranoid?Why do you think this happens to me?I always seem to get these masculine creepy lesbians staring and drooling at me.My therapists thinks that in general lesbians are direct with their intentions. They approach and flirt with women much more than men do.Its getting annoying, not to mention I get offended by it because I'm totally straight and I have no interest in women at all.I really don't know why this keeps happening to me?What is about myself that always attracts mature masculine creepy lesbians?I don't have anything against them.I attract lesbians all the time.I'm scared,Why does this keep happening? I don't give off any signals or imply I am interested.My therapist thinks that i have been the victim of a lot of predatory behaviour.
@friendlyface I also can't help but feel like I must have somehow deserved the treatment by that pervert woman and reactions I got from women at work.Part of me goes "well obviously you deserved their reactions and treatment" and other things.Maybe I'm just being "over-dramatic"?I've been extremely doubting about it.As for my self-esteem…well it’s pretty much non-existent. My mind is all over the place and I'm very afraid of saying something wrong. Even though my therapist tells me abuse is not my fault, I still blame myself.My therapist has been trying to get me to understand that it's not my fault, but I feel like if I think it's not my fault, I'm just pretending in order to make myself feel better. I've read that blaming oneself is something a lot of people with PTSD and CPTSD do, but I still can't stop punishing myself for everything.That feels like a brick wall to me, and is something I repeatedly work on in therapy. My therapist is very explicit in telling me it's not my fault, but I often think she is just lying to me. That lesbian midget hurt me terribly.That just feels so violating and cruel.
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@friendlyface My therapist thinks that the reality is we are in an era where women are getting just as aggressive if not more than men. They see it as not as harmful because they are the same sex. Ive been through it all.Masculine women starring at my breasts in the restaurant. Gawking at my butt comments on the size or shape. The hey sexys. The butches in the mall whispering leave your man while I'm walking with him.They are just brave right now. I always have problems with short masculine women touching me, bumping into me , grabbing my butt, or bumping into my breasts. Mature masculine women always approach me wanting to make small talk but it always seems like its more than that. I could be walking in the grocery store and they entire area could be clear and mature butch lesbians bump into me. They stare until it becomes uncomfortable. I could be standing by myself and the entire area would be clear and a masculine short woman would come and stand so close to me. Its not the young feminine lesbians either they don't bother me, its the really ugly short masculine mature lesbians that do this!You know the whole situation with that awful woman the abuser.She ruined me!Whats going on? They are worst than the guys, they stare so much.I'm not homophobic at all.In december 2013 i was in a restaurant with my ex husband I have had short mature woman grope me and talk to me about random stuff in the bathroom.It is like i am lesbian magnet.