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hi...um...im a bit nervous talking about the things I went t

[140]

hi...um...im a bit nervous talking about the things I went through but I figured this was a good place to share my stories about my life and all the abuse I went thorugh over the years and had gone through just this weekend. During the weekend I took a break from the facility ive been living at for a month and a half now to go and see my mom and step dad. I never really felt smart enough to know what mental abuse my mom had put on me for years but she told me something dduring the weekend that shiocked and surprised me. We were at the river, just a normal day were my parents were drinking aand I was swallowing bbq whole. Near the end of the night before we wnet to bed it was just me nd my mother in our little camper, itting across from eachother not saying anything. She looked down so I asked her what was wrong then she just.....got angry at me expecting me to know that she wasn't doing well even though she didn't tell me that she was. I just listened to her hoping maybe she could vent on me like she did before many times in my life to relieve stress. She had tol;d me along time ago that it was something that was ok to do only now that im older does she tell me otherwise. She precedes to tell me that im playing the system because I take pills for my schizophrenia and depression and tells me that she was taught to deal with it. Then she looks at me angerliy waiting for a response but I didn't know what to say to her. She talks for at least 30 minutes about hjow I hate her and I planned to ruin her life and planned to destroy her at everyturn. She told me at one moment that because I was made by her she had the right to kill me and all my siblings. It breaks my heart to hear these things from her because shes only disaire to have the perfect child the day she got me from foster care. I tried to make her happy and stay out of trouble but my mistakes were to great for her to handle when I waasd young and even now it seems to destroy her. im not saying shes a bad mom but all the things she told me that night broke my heart especially when she smiled and told me that what she told me was mentl abuse. I thought it was just venting so I told her that it was fine and she was just drunk, getting things off her mind. the next morning she made a hint towards what she had said and I believe ahe still thinks im out to get her. How do I make her happy again?

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[90525]
Jul 12

@SheriKost, well, all parents feel a measure of guilt, even really good parents do. That's because ALL parents make mistakes. But a healthy person will own up to their mistakes, apologise to their child for them, try to change or improve and grow, make some sort of restitution if they can, and also, forgive themselves and allow God to forgive them by taking it to the cross (okay I believe in Jesus so...). But if your mother feels too ashamed about her behavior, or can't own it or whatever, she wouldn't be the 1st parent to take that wide highway to a dark place. : ( What matters, is you can't control her, only yourself. And you wanna be a healthier, forgiving, and growing person. You can, despite the hand you've been dealt. And I'm truly sorry you've been dealt that hand but glad you came for support.

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[90525]
Jul 12

You did the right thing for you! You did. You can't imagine how proud I was when my grown daughter told me she went to therapy and got on medication. Of course I wasn't thrilled about her having to do that and also blamed myself. But I told her I was proud of her for getting help. Thankfully she told me her issues were with her father instead of me. But I still blamed myself for how our divorce impacted her. She's such an amazing person. I wish I would have done that at her age (20s), recognized I could have uses more support. I'm wishing you all the best.

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[7180]
Jul 13

@shericost
I'm so sorry for what you're going through. She is being very emotionally abusive to you. It's not your job to take care of her, it's her job to take care of you and she's failing miserablely. You need to put yourself first in all circumstances, if someone is being abusive, stand up for yourself and leave. If you can don't give them any emotional recation to feed off of either, save your tears for when you're alone or with someone who legitimately cares about you. There are so many wonderful beautiful people on this Earth who will love you for exactly who you are, don't settle for anything less. You are so strong , and oddly enough horrible life experiences make us even stonger. Hugs

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