So I was finally diagnose with PTSD with anxiety and depress

So I was finally diagnose with PTSD with anxiety and depression right now . I feel like I don't know who I am right now . I don't know what real anymore how to feel what to think . I'm scared . All I ask myself is why me . I can't sit in a room with a counselor and tell her I was force to have sex since I was 6 to 21 but I need to start . It time to face my past . Step by step memory by memory detail by detail . Idk how she will react because it is horrible . I have to start when it first started the bathtub when I was 6 year old when my uncle walk in started take off his clothes got in and force me to have sex I was scream for my life but nobody was there . So how can u share something like that or torn the end before I left home I stop fighting why because it didn't matter what I did it wasn't going to change I STOP saying no because it didn't matter my brother wouldn't stop or stop hitting me I give up on myself I stop fighting so yes I blame myself because I give up on myself would it have change anything I would never know because I didn't have any fight left . It seem like what ever I did nothing would have change but I chose to stand up for myself and I told and I got help to get out and now I'm facing the aftermath of being abuse nobody tell u how hard it is because u feel so alone and scared like u r damage disappear but u have to keep fighting because it will get better . So I hope it will start getting better for me when I start opening up to my counselor but u have to know that ur life matter to someone believe in yourself . Yes I still have very bad day and good because I'm still in the beginning of the aftermath . I am very proud of myself . I always say I made it through the abuse that I can go make it through this