Sometimes I wonder if i will ever let my guard down; If ill

BB520's picture
[2445]

Sometimes I wonder if i will ever let my guard down; If ill ever be able to trust easily again and not have to put a giant thick concrete wall up before trusting someone.
My rapist was my bestfriend, the person i went to for everything and he used that to his advantage, Its not fair.

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BB520's picture
[2445]
Mar 21

@Jennipain It is very hard, it happened 5 years ago and it still hurts like it happened yesterday. I went 4 years without seeking help; Ive been going to a counselor for alittle over a year now, and it helps some but not much. I feel like i should be making more progress.

I go to my husband for everything, but i want to give his ears a break from hearing it all. I know hes super supportive and would help me with no complaints but still, its not fair to him to have to hear it all the time. Thank you xo I just want to not have to see his face in my dreams or worry he is in the same place as i am.

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Jennipain's picture
[335165]
Mar 21

@BB520 I was raped to and it does take a lot of time to heal and not have triggers where you see something. Don't be hard on yourself honey you are in therapy and we all heal differently from this and time period for this can't even be told it's all on the person. I feel you are doing good and you opened up here and in therapy be proud of yourself right now. xo

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[355]
Mar 22

@Jennipain I wish I could say that in time you will heal. For me it happened thirty one years ago and it never goes away. I waited over ten years to tell anyone and I even confronted the one who raped me the worst and told him that what he did was probably the reason I couldn't have children. I worshiped that guy and spent almost a decade with him. (til then). There was a time in my life I guess men thought they could just take me and they did. It affected me all of these years where I can never relax having sex and always need to be in control. Those incidents are etched in my brain and I don't dwell on it, but if the subject comes up or anything that could remind me about it - does. Every experience changes a person for better or worse.

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