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Out of curiosity, were most of you on this forum cheated on?

Out of curiosity, were most of you on this forum cheated on? Were you the primary? (Wife/Fiance) or were you a secondary who thought you were the primary?
Did you ever suspect and just not speak up?

I was the made to think I was the primary because we were long distance and didn't get to spend that much time together but would text and facetime everyday with plans to move to the same city. Found out I wasn't the primary and he was living with someone for the whole 2 years and they are now engaged (that's just for those who don't know the story).

I'm beating myself up a bit because I had suspicions so many times about this woman and I did ask but he said they were just friends/business partners. I had blatant proof at one stage when I found an address listed as both of them but he said their business was registered there. I just feel so **** stupid letting it go on for 2 years, when my suspicions in the first year were 100% correct.

I am trying to be kinder to myself but has it happened to anyone else where you have ignored or been talked out of the red flags in terms of cheating or living double lives? How do these people sleep at night?

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Foundlove's picture
[23355]
Apr 30

@mmadwaite sometimes people who have open relationships are people who have trouble in regular committed monogamous relationships. It is people that have problems I think... however I’m kind of starting to think majority of men have an issue with monogamy based on how much cheating goes on in relationships. I feel kind of strange and wondering if I’m being realistic or am I being negative? My expectations of men in general have become so low that I kind of expect them to cheat and not commit. I realize I’ve always had this core belief. This has caused trouble for me in my relationships but I’ve also usually found proof of cheating and lying... just to validate and confirm this belief. I’m still contemplating staying single forever vs trying dating again and then going running back to my ex at the belief that all men are the same anyway. I’m very confused although I’m not depressed or suffering anymore from the abuse by my guy (narc). Anyway, I’ve never agreed to open relationship but found myself constantly in one by the guy lying/cheating and it’s not what I want, but realistically I feel it’s whats gonna happen. Do you feel like this also sometimes?

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mmadwaite's picture
[25875]
Apr 30

@Foundlove I don't consider it an open relationship if someone cheats on you. I would think in an open relationship that you both have to agree to it. Neither one of my husbands cheated; and I didn't either. People question this, but I'm quite sure. I was in another long term relationship. He wanted to marry. I wasn't ready for that kind of commitment. There was no cheating. It seems that this is not the rule today, but the exception.

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[13995]
May 1

@Cheatos I'm very sorry you went through this.

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