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I’m 140 days no contact and mentally here’s where I’m

Foundlove's picture
[27060]

I’m 140 days no contact and mentally here’s where I’m at... I don’t have need to contact my ex husband, but I wonder what’s going on with him. I don’t miss him, I just miss somebody. I think to contact him just to figure out what he’s doing and what’s going on with his life, but then I think... he would just lie about everything anyway so why bother? I think... this peace is great but at time I feel I’m bored. I’ve decided no dating for period of time... I’m sick of men.... I want to be peaceful for holiday. I’m thinking my friends who deal w a hole men are crazy.... too many of my friends are nuts. I’m thinking... I feel old. I’m not actually old I’m in my 30s... some of my friends are like just getting married now.... a lot of people I know just dating. I feel like my life is over or something it’s weird. I feel like I’ve lived a full life. I feel like I’m in my 60s waiting for retirement. I’m still trying to figure out where to go from here. For those going through the turmoil of narcissist, consider no contact. For those that have gone no contact with narcissist, stay strong! Thanks for all your support everyone, I really appreciate it. This site has really helped me stay away from an evil person.

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[900]
Nov 14

Thomas, I'm so happy to hear the bond fades overtine...i really needed to hesr that todsy..it's five months for me of NC but their are days where i still miss him and can't wsit for the day to come when he will be just a memory in my mind...going NC IS VERY DIFFICULT and i fight everyday to stay away..

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mmadwaite's picture
[31900]
Nov 14

@Rits It does fade away. My love for him is gone, but it's taken a long tome. I'm just now beginning to see a new me and enjoying life again. Honestly, I don't ever want to see him again, but I have to so I can follow thru with the divorce and property split.

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Blueberries1234's picture
[56145]
Nov 15

The less you give to others emotionally, try to help them etc., the better. Then you can go back to learning ti give only when you want to. If you beat codependency and date multiple people at a time to see what normal people date like, it's a fun experience. Having boundaries for yourself, like not texting anyone right away for a few hours etc., to beat the impulsive needs we have developed after narc abuse. I think you're doing amazing. I waited about 6 months before dating, but it was still a bit too early. No regrets though. Ive dated many many many people now and I have a much better idea of what hwalthy dating and healthy people are like. Im pretty good at seeing when my boundaries are being crossed, Ive learned to comminicate better. I had a 7 month relationship that was pretty nice. So I think thw trick is to practice dating, rather than try to settle down with someone right away. As soon as I feel like Im not liking something about a dynamic, Im usually out now. Why waste anyones time, or mine! Already wasted 6 years with a narc. I deserve to spend the rest of my life free. Actually Ive been realizing how little I even know about myself. Likes dislikes, how I like to be touched, what Im into and what Im not. Im really learning. And really enjoying the reflection process. Ive gone through so many types of connections now: pure lust/crush, pure attqchment (narcissist codependency), pure soul (with a tiny bit of codependency), pure money (millionair but he was a bit rigid/people pleaser), pure happiness, sweet, laughter but this time I was the too codependent one---he taught me great boundaries but was too distant, and pure stability (click well, mind/thought and spiritual connection but no soul/heart or sexual). It's really cool!!! Dating is fun if you go in with begginners/learner's mind. Just trust yourself, get in touch with yourself to know when your boundaries were crossed. Ive really learned to stop second guessing myself!! I havent regretted being dumped or saying goodbye tp anyone. As long as you trust yourself to see the yellow and red flags and cut off people, you'll be fine. It took me all that tp finally be happy being alone, I really enjoy it actually. Maybe in 6 months I might try dating again although I probably want to move away within a year haha Maybe if youre bored you need to take inventory of what excites you. Hobbies? Travel? Sports? What EXCITES YOU. Go after it and have zero tolerance for anything less than a perfect fit.

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