Hi Everyone! This is my first time posting and need of help.


Hi Everyone! This is my first time posting and need of help. This one might be a long one! over the course of the past year my brother has asked me if I would be willing to take his dog (which I did! I love her). his reasoning was he found the perfect apt in another state and is moving with his gf. from my understanding at the time their jobs went remote and they would work remotely. they move and 3 months later he tells me they actually both got let go and are on unemployment..... then he tells me he got arrested 3 months prior for fighting his gf's baby daddy and that he will be living off his 'day trading' which didn't go well. THEN he tells me his gf actually has more than 1 kid and lost custody of the other 2. then he tells me he got married and didn't tell anyone and their planning for a baby oct 2021 without any jobs....

moving forward July 2021 comes around and he tells me to call him..he then tells me his now wife needs money to pay her lawyer fees because she was getting taken to court for moving to another state and not notifying the dad of the child. which meant they had to come back for 'a week' to their home state after moving to do the court hearing. they asked for $2500 and i, of course, being dumb, lend them the money. then I offered them to stay at me and my partners house since we have a lot of space.

one week turned into 3 whole months of them staying at my place. they would leave fans on for 14+ hours, the downstairs was always filthy with clothes and fruits everywhere (now we have a infestation of fruit flies), they never even tried to deep clean the downstairs, they would leave windows open even when their was hurricane like rain, never tried to get to know me and my partner, and the best one yet, they would leave the front door UNLOCKED. we also got her kid in our neighborhoods school which is great because without us she couldn't have been in that school.

3 months pass and we agreed they had to go elsewhere. on the last day they left the door unlocked again after my brother had said that was unacceptable and apologized. well on the very last day he yells at me and threatened me as if he was going to hit me and said he will expose me.

I didn't yell back and walked away and they left. 3 weeks have gone by where I don't say a word to him for him threatened me and yelled at me in my own home for telling him to please lock the door like he promised and suddenly he texts my partner and tells him something I did which was an absolute lie. he told my partner how he didn't want him going thru anymore 'drama' and then continues by 'exposing me' and saying dramatic things to my partner that had nothing to do with why he yelled at me. he continues to text my partner and my partner has ignored him.

I'm very hurt and hate this smear campaign and want to defend myself so badly but I know I shouldn't. I want to block my entire family because they tend to always do this after I have helped them then treat u like crap after and try to get away with it and make up lies so they look like the good person. I always help my siblings but they never help me and I'm looked at the bad guy? After helping his wife (who I don't know at all - and I know its my fault but I was more focused on her getting her child back) and after I willingly offered them a place and money, they couldn't do the bare minimum then yell and threaten me and now want to ruin my relationship. I'm hurt because I saw my brother as my dad but after this and him willingly trying to ruin my relationship and make me look like the bad guy I'm done. any suggestions on what to do moving forward, I feel scared of more bad things being said about me and want to defend myself but I know that'll make it worse.

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Scarlet_202406's picture
Oct 22

@CKBlossom im sorry to here that it mostly works for me

mmadlecl's picture
Oct 23

Lr This may sound kind of simple but just ignore him. I'm sorry it's your brother being so unkind and judgmental of you; I'm sure that hurts very much. I would defend myself to my partner, but not carry the drama on and on. Just let it go and eventually it will stop. If your partner is supportive of you, that's what really matters.

Foundlove's picture
Oct 23

This is very difficult to deal with… sorry you have to go through this! I can imagine how much more of personal conflict this is for you that he is your brother. It’s different when it’s family rather than just friend, maybe even relationship with a partner. It seems like your brother unstable and has major issues. I think you have good mindset and good idea to focus on yourself and your healing. Unfortunately some people like your brother can be very ungrateful n spiteful. I’m glad your partner ignoring him and I’m sure your partner has seen the true colors of your brother by now how he uses people , abuses others. I would just continue to talk to my partner about your brothers behavior n just hopefully he will see enough to know nothing your brother says could be true. It is good idea not to engage in his behavior and ignore. You have no obligation to help him in any way. He’s grown man. He should be figuring out on his own. Hope your able to let all this go, move on n not be tormented by him anymore!

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