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A therapist that understands NPD and Narc Abuse is honestly

A therapist that understands NPD and Narc Abuse is honestly worth their weight in gold. I had a session and told her how i've been feeling lately like I was maybe the toxic one in our relationship because towards the end I was acting out and rebelling and it just made things worse. I was always having to apologise for expressing how I felt and on numerous occasions he had me begging him not to leave me because I promised I could change and do better.

I don't really know what do better meant. I guess be less anxious, ask him less questions, be more carefree and just let things run their course. Of course this is what he wanted because he could not cope when I called him out on the mask slipping so then i'd beg.

I know I was not a perfect girlfriend, we are all flawed. But, I never lied, never stopped supporting his dreams, never pushed him to see me and would never tell him how I really felt because I was scared he would blow up or stop talking to me and I feared not being able to live without him.

It just feels nice to have someone who can break down the behavior while understanding the psychological and sociopathic side of things. She is able to help me recognize that yes, I was acting out but even when I tried that to subconsciously give him a taste of his own medicine, I would be the one begging for forgiveness. He never understood how much I was hurting because he can't feel.

I'd also like to clarify that when I say acting out I do not mean cheating. I mean that I once blew off a set facetime date (long distance) to hang out with a friend and watch the football at a bar. I know this was a mean thing to do but I was at my wits end and wanted him to feel how I felt when he missed my birthday, didn't show up for New Years for the second year in a row. Would talk about how much he used to do for his ex who loved christmas but would not do the same for me even though I loved christmas and he hated it.

Ok i'm just rambling now. The point is, there are professionals out there who if you are struggling, do have the knowledge, experience and tools to help you. It's a long road ahead but I'm glad i'm not doing it alone.

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[4025]
Aug 14

@Rits oh my gosh, absolutely! In the beginning, my entire days were spent with him in my head and I was anxious all the time, thinking about every possible scenario, what I could have done differently, how I could have told his fiancé more, literally my whole days were filled with him and our relationship in my head.
I downloaded an app called slumber to help me sleep, I started coloring with those adult coloring books, and tried to stay present with people around me that actually cared.
It gets better and now I have far more good days than bad but even last week, I posted on here because i was anxious all day and my blood was boiling.

I don’t see anything wrong with medication if it’s going to help you but I do think trying some non-medicinal interventions first might help. Do you have a hobby? Do you work?

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[345]
Aug 15

Oh believe me i stay very busy. I work full time and try and go too the gym at least five nights a week as it's my sanity thesr days..i did try accupunture last week, but i guess i have to go a few times to feel the results. What did you take if anything. To help with your anxiety? I was told B8 is really good so maybe I'll try that..I'm very happy for you that you've stayed away five months and yes. I agree it's day by day...I'm a very strong person always was, but he really took alot out of me...i only pray everyday that I'll somehow get back what i lost with that sociopath...you also seem like a strong person as the advice you gave to me above tells me that...from what i read about Narcissists they end up in life being miserable and all alone..I never met any of his friends ir he was never married..red flags all over the place...

now

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[4025]
Aug 15

@Rits that’s so great that you keep yourself busy. I’m similar. I travel work nearly every week and do Orangetheory to keep myself busy.
I didn’t take anything but I do take a lot of vitamins. I’m not sure if any of those help naturally because I take them for other things. In saying that, there are still days I feel anxious so I think it’s learning more tactical ways to change your way of thinking.
At the same time, sometimes you have to sit with an emotion, accept it and let it pass. It’s all part of mindfulness which I’m trying but it is not always easy. Some days my head just spins. I also find it’s worse around that time of the month (sorry for any men reading this).

You sound like an extremely strong person, and yes, I like to think I always have been and that’s why we get targeted. While we are strong, we are kind and loving. It’s an ego boost to watch us deplete of energy and willpower, and just surrender to their every want and need.

Mine only had a hand full of friends and I’ve now learned one is his fiancé and the rest are all her college friends. They are all 25, he is 37. Pathetic really. And sad that he got them sucked in so young they don’t know any different.

He also doesn’t speak to any of his family except his Dad. His Mum is a narc supposedly but I don’t believe anything he told me now.

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