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I'm sick. I have been for so long that I forgot what it was

Living4Peace's picture
[34835]

I'm sick. I have been for so long that I forgot what it was like to be healthy. My symptoms, chronic fatigue, anxiety, causeless guilt, paranoia, depression, obesity, hopelessness, suicidal thoughts, self destruction, self sabotage, and internal abuse. My sickness? My narcissists. Narcissists are my cancer.

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Living4Peace's picture
[34835]
May 16

@overberringer I am religious, but I hate to say it....far too many people use religion as a means of manipulation. We all are different people and that needs to be respected. Religion is a personal choice, not a weapon. Is there any way you can visit her? Chat with her on the phone maybe?

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@Living4Peace
indeed people do use religion as a weapon...some people are gluttonous about religion and they don't even realize it...they believe it is their way or no way...i am religious as well...i deeply believe in God...in fact i keep saying that it is down to just God and me...there's nothing wrong with being religious as long as you are not trying to MAKE SOMEONE ELSE BELIEVE WHAT YOU DO...forcing your religious beliefs on someone else or punishing someone bc they don't believe the same things you do is WRONG...i find value in religious belief while I can also see why many may not believe...to me, we have free will to decide for ourselves and nobody should impose their viewpoint on someone else no matter how right they feel they are...as for my grandma, I tried the phone and it goes straight to a voice mailbox that is full...evidently, my phone number is programmed to go straight to the voice mailbox so it won't go through to her home anymore...she doesn't even know that i am trying to call her...it's ok...I know what is going on and they can act like they don't all they want but they ALL KNOW TOO...that's the glory behind gaslighting and creating ambiguous scenerios: they're created with an "out" explanation...it's ok...my soul is at peace about knowing...at least i know what happened to my parents and a few other people i know...the solitude and quiet is peaceful so I will enjoy it as long as it lasts...I've been falsely labeled while purposefully put in a highly scary situation...I'm not a threat even though they are trying their hardest to make it look as if I am...it's sad but I am doing the best I can do with the sh*tstorm I have been unwillingly handed...my grandma knows what is happening too...at the wedding she did not speak one word to my husband's mother and if you know my grandma then you know that she was sending a clear message...up until then I had never known her to snub anyone...I'm just stuck in the middle of a feud...

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[115]
May 17

my mother and husband are on the same boat.they ruined my life to enlighten theirs.sometimes I feel like Im not existing.the only thing I care about is peace on my mind because my motherhood totally depends on it and I dont want to release my pressure on my kid.

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