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Hello everyone. Been along time since I posted. I hope you

Hello everyone. Been along time since I posted. I hope your all doing well.

Just need a place to vent or seek support today. Honestly feel like I'm going out of my mind.

After nearly a decade of being a doormat it seems my mind finally woke up. Always loved my wife. But now that I have recognised how selfish she is it's all I can see and everything she does aggregated me.

She simply does only what she wants and refuses all else.

I am self employed and make good money and take care of all the bills expenses. But it also means I can be around for children and taxi services :)

My wife works part time. The real tension point is that she has been gone every weekend for 8 years. It's not totally unselfish, she coaches at a local gymnastics club. Meaning she is gone all Friday and Sunday. But Saturdays she will just sit and catch up on all the shows she wants too watch. This leaves me with our two young sons all weekend (every weekend) aswell as being very busy with them during the week.

I've tried to explain to her the psychological weight of never getting a break but she can't hear it.

Part of it is my fault as I let it go in for years. I guess I got tired of politely asking and then the resentment built.

Bizarrely she knows how much hard work they are. But it doesn't register.

She does as she pleases. Has her nails done one week, hair the next.

After children she grew less and less interested in sex. I've tried every approach. But again nothing registers. Now (for a long time I guess all intimacy is just permanently off the table).

I just know what to do with her anymore. I have told her how I feel. Nothing changes. I've told her I resent the pressure always being with our sons put on my relationship with them.

Despite all this communication, just this week. She went to have her nails done knowing I had to meet a client in 2 hours. 3 and half hours later she return.

She disappears all weekend as usual. Then sits and watches the F1 so we all have to give her a wide berth.

By Sunday evening im fuming and she doesn't even understand why.

I've lost hope that things will ever change now. I just see a very selfish person.

I am looking at a new house today to move out to.

Anyone have any advice or suggestions to remedy the situation before I make a choice I can't unmake?


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Nov 16, 2017

@yshipley52 Thank you for your reply, it is nice to be able to come here and feel some sort of release of built up emotions! Although your story differs from mine I guess the emotions might be similar. I do not have these issues you had with the mental/verbal/emotional abusiveness. It is not that I think I won't make it on my own, I know I could. I know I have many skills, all the ones you mentioned but I also run his entire office for his business. I do not have any college for it or anything but I am sure I could go get one or some and be someone really big. This is not the problem. I am not to the breaking point! I do not want the rest of my life to change all over something so very simple that can be changed. Nobody told him to marry me and no he didn't feel like he had to. He does truly love me. Yes I have asked him about the past issue and he says that has nothing to do with the lack of sex and intimacy. It is my overthinking brain telling me it is which is why I said it's crazy thinking. Yes the kids see his lack of happiness and no they don't like it, it actually helps then learn not to be like that. My kids and I talk about it quite openly. It is not like I walk around mopey, so the kids rarely see that. Some times I get that way but I try not to let it show for their sake. So yes they are very happy kids and are clueless to the extent of my internal emotions. I don't think you fully understood the issue. My issue Is the lack of sex, intimacy and appreciation. The emotions that come along with the lack of these things are resentment, frustration, anger and unappreciated. Everything else is as perfect as anyone would or could ever want. The biggest issue with talking to him about it is he doesn't seem to care about or maybe it's that he just doesn't understand the emotional connection/closeness that intimacy gives me. He obviously doesn't need it to be happy in a relationship. For him having a wife is having a best friend, a team mate, he does not require sex to be happily married. It's so weird to me because in my life I can relate to the guys, they are the ones that want sex and their wives do not which is why I can relate so closely with dallasdean, he is having the same issues. It makes me feel better knowing it's not just me having these issues. Thanks again for your input!

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Nov 16, 2017

So very sorry your wife is so self centered ! I understand what your going through my husband has been treating me the same way for years . I get no sex no attention no affection . He doesn't want me in the same room with him . He barely talks to me. I found out 5yrs ago that he is a Porn addict and that he has sex with other women . Ive had to raise our kids on my own because he was always at work every single day including weekends. I feel so alone so angry and so rejected. I always hoped that one day he would change . But sadly i don't think he ever will. I feel your pain it hurts like crazy !!!!

Sep 14

Hi again, Just wanted to check in and see how everything has been going for you dallasdean. I'm sure you come on here about as much as I do which is hardly ever. Things for me have not changed. I spoke to my husband recently and he told me that everything I say he needs to do I need to do. So I have been doing that for months now. Holding hands, touching, hugging etc you know attention. Well I always initiate it and he never does. So yesterday it came to me....he is not in love with me anymore, he loves me but that's it. I can remember the first few years of our relationship and he was completely different. I have now came to the realization it will never be the same, I have everything else I could possibly want though, which makes even thinking about leaving impossible. I always think well you can stay and have everything minus intimacy or you can leave and risk ending up in a relationship that's worse, because really there are a lot of bad people in this world too. Anyway I really hope at least things have gotten better for you.

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