I'm 8 months pregnant and in going through courts to put a r

I'm 8 months pregnant and in going through courts to put a restraining order on My baby's dad and get full custody of my baby my ex was verbally abusive when he would drink he would try to punch me and he would say hurtful stuff and blame his drinking on me and said the baby stresses him out i haven't seen or spoke with him in a month but is it normal for me to miss him and feel bad I feel like this is somehow my fault and his a good guy but I know hes abusive when he drinks im so confused

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[40]
Feb 16

@Still02 im nervous to go to court I don't know what to say I feel like he will win

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[90240]
Feb 16

@Sophieee123 Welcome to SG!... I'm so sorry about your very unfortunate situation, especially since this should be an extremely happy time. HOW DARE HE PUNCH YOU at any time -- let alone when you're 8 months pregnant!... No one deserves to be treated like that -- no man should ever put his hands on a woman in anger, under any circumstances!... Emotional and verbal abuse is not to be tolerated either. You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. You should not want this man to be a role model for your child -- if it's a boy, he'll most likely learn to treat women abusively. A girl needs a loving, respectful man in her life to teach her how she should be treated -- not an abusive father to make her think abusive treatment is acceptable. Please read the following article. -- if one or all of the issues listed in the article apply to you, then you are definitely a victim of emotional abuse. You need a lawyer who understands the devastating effects of abuse of any kind -- physical and/or emotional:

For Anyone Who Questions Whether Or Not They're Being EMOTIONALLY ABUSED, Please Read The Following Article From GoodTherapy.org -- Entitled: "WHY IS EMOTIONAL ABUSE SO HARD TO RECOGNIZE?"

Troubled-looking person with long curly hair looks up above the center of photo, chin in handsEmotional abuse can be every bit as devastating to individuals and relationships as physical and sexual abuse. And the pain of experiencing emotional abuse can be heightened when you feel unsure whether what you are experiencing is normal or okay. You may feel something is wrong but be unable to identify what it is. You may find yourself spending a great deal of time trying to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and understand where they are coming from. You may notice you are altering your behavior in order to keep the peace or avoid conflict.

Emotional abuse occurs when one person—intentionally or otherwise, consciously or unconsciously—engages in behavior that insults, threatens, rejects, neglects, blames, manipulates, isolates, degrades, punishes, humiliates, or exerts control over another. Fear, guilt, and shame are among common responses to, and goals of, emotional abuse.

Although it is most often thought of in terms of intimate partner relationships, emotional abuse can occur in other types of relationships as well. Parent-child relationships, for example, can be marked by emotional abuse, sometimes continuing well into adulthood.

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Although physical and sexual abuse can also be considered forms of emotional abuse, the latter tends to be more subtle. Physical or sexual abuse may be easier to identify, as they often have physical evidence and a clear incident to reference. Emotional abuse is more often characterized by a pattern or collection of behaviors over time that can be difficult to recognize. Some of these behaviors, when taken on their own, might not necessarily be thought of as abusive. It is the systematic application of these behaviors, with an intention to change the way another responds, that is destructive.

A few examples of emotionally abusive behaviors include: putting you down or calling you names, cutting you off from other sources of connection and support, demanding to know your whereabouts at all times, limiting your access to finances or financial decision making, making threats to harm you or damage property, making you feel constantly unsettled or wary, or leading you to doubt reality.

People who are emotionally abusive can be expert manipulators. They may be very intentional about choosing behaviors that cannot be proven or that come close to crossing lines while retaining deniability.

People who are emotionally abusive can be expert manipulators. They may be very intentional about choosing behaviors that cannot be proven or that come close to crossing lines while retaining deniability. They may manufacture or maintain a chaotic environment, so that it is hard to pin down or describe exactly what is happening. They may also lie about what has happened or rewrite history in order to avoid responsibility for their actions.

Individuals who behave in emotionally abusive ways typically do not respect boundaries. This can be problematic on many levels, but never more so than when you try to leave the relationship. Attempts to leave the relationship or to diminish contact may be met with an increase in abusive or manipulative behaviors intended to convince you to stay. These behaviors may be threatening or intended to induce guilt. However, they may also feel positive, like promises for change or admissions of responsibility for problems in the relationship. Unfortunately, promises for change and responsibility taking may be short-lived once you compromise your boundary and return.

Perhaps the most perplexing phenomenon of all is the ability of abusive individuals to be remarkably kind, caring, and generous at times. Few people would remain in relationships that always felt bad. Fewer would choose to begin relationships with people who treated them poorly all the time. The confusing fact of the matter is individuals who are capable of cruelty are also capable of kindness. They may be charming and generous at times. These instances of kindness or generosity may be good, but abuse is never okay. It cannot be offset.

Emotional abuse often comes packaged with trauma, and while your first priority in any emotionally abusive situation should be to seek a safer environment, therapeutic interventions can also help. Consider contacting a licensed therapist as you make sense of what has happened and begin the healing process. Therapy is a safe space for you to work through any unprocessed feelings and can guide you toward appropriate resources in your community.

© Copyright 2017 GoodTherapy.org. All rights reserved. Permission to publish granted by Betsy Smith, MEd, LPC-S, therapist in Bellaire, Texas

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Still02's picture
[18280]
Feb 16

@Sophieee123
From my experience. Please get a lawyer. I went alone. I had photos with bruises. Statements from family and friends. So pregnant I delivered one week later ((a wonderful HEALTHY baby boy)). He had a lawyer. Twisted everything around. The judge finally said " I don't know what happened but I do know you two need to be no where near each other". It was so hard to do and harder to continue for the birth and infancy but just stand in truth and love from afar.

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