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I am so mentally exhausted. The meanness is NEVER ending.

I am so mentally exhausted. The meanness is NEVER ending. I can do literally nothing right. He constantly and relentlessly picks on every little thing. It just keeps getting worse every day. Part of it getting worse I think is that I am so tired of his BS that I no longer fall apart and beg and plead and cry for him to forgive me, or love me. I am over that. It hurts still, but I just shrug it off and walk away. I think it is infuriating him that I am not letting him have control over my emotions. I have recently retained a lawyer and am so close to filing for divorce, but I have so much anxiety over the unknown that I keep pushing it forward. I know I need to leave him. Our kids want me to divorce him. I am for the most part in every other aspect of my life levelheaded and practical. Why is it so hard to leave him?

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[2545]
Sep 7

Killian I am so so sorry for what you are going through. I love women. I love my mother. I love my wife. I have three daughters. My Oldest daughter has four, that's right - count them! Four girls! Anyway all women should be loved, nurtured and treated with dignity and respect. If there is no hope for reconciling, if your relationship is past that point it's apparent what you should do. I heard another post where the lady was advised to set up a separate bank account, pack a go bag in case you got to leave quickly, get you passport, birth certificates and essential papers in an accessible (to you) place out of the home. I would take the approach what would be absolutely crucial if the house burned down. My wife is seriously disabled in constant pain. One day I was so tired I could barely move and I had to go and get things done. I asked her "how do you do it?" She said put one foot in front of the other. It's like running outside in 113 degree weather. - you go through the motions of getting dressed and out the door. If you think about it you won't go. 113 are you crazy, run 4 miles!!!! For lunch!! But necessary for your health. I have learned that any day I can change my life. I signed up for an engineering drawing school when I didn't even have a job. I got out of 35,000 credit card debt that began with two words "what if..." You can do this. The little girl that is hurt and damaged is still there - get out - find her and share her with your babies while you still have the time. I hear my wife laugh in the other room and I can hear the little girl that she was before she was sexually abused by her father and 4 foster fathers - I know that little girl - she's lovely to me. My wife is old and broken in body but the loveliest lady in the world - to me. I encourage you now and others are here to encourage you too through the process. OK gotta go. Hugs!!!!!

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[365]
Sep 9

@killian0509 I know exactly what you're going through. The cops coming to our house was a regular thing. I tried to leave him several times and this past June I finally left for good. It is so hard to explain why it is so hard to leave a bad relationship but it just is. Now after accomplishing the goal of leaving, I am sad and homesick. I miss my neighborhood (even though I only moved 15 minutes away), my house and my life minus him. Leaving is one of the hardest things I've done. But, when the time came I knew it was time. It was a moment of clarity and I made my mind up and I left. That moment may come for you too, but until it does, be kind to yourself and know that you are in a situation that so many others are also in. It isn't easy to stay and it's almost impossible to leave. But, you'll know when the time is right.

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[895]
Sep 10

@GirlKitty I go through this kind of thing everyday. It's been so long I think I have lost all of myself. How did you finally make the decision to leave. I feel like someone needs to hit me over the head with the answer. I am not a weak person but just haven't been able to muster up the courage to leave. I am terrified of the unknown. I am terrified that he won't ever leave me alone. I am a shell of the person I know I can be. Darnit, I just can't get myself to make the move.

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