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I am so incredibly disappointed in myself. I have been unde

I am so incredibly disappointed in myself. I have been under so much stress for years, but it has escalated in the past few months. I have worked so hard to support my family and give them a good life. All while my narcissistic husband has not had an actual job in 15 years. I have run my business all by myself for 10 years...absolutely no help from my husband. I have tried to keep my husband happy by constantly buying bigger houses and nicer cars so that he would be happy and in hopes that I would finally be good enough. FYI, it never made him happier or respect me. Well, my business is struggling and I am barely holding it all together. I approached him to help me with the bills. To finally step up for the first time for his family. He has made my life a living h*ll since then and he has made it clear that he will not help. I am by nature a very sensible person, but I have allowed myself to make incredibly terrible choices to appease him, but go against all I believe in. I take full blame for my stupidity. I made all those poor choices to make someone happy that will never love me the way I deserve. And to make it worse, I had a bad day at work today stressing over money. I came home and my 13 year old son said he was going to make his dad a card for his birthday tomorrow. I started to cry and asked him why he didn’t bother to make me a card on my birthday. Jealousy... it is an ugly thing. I hate myself for feeling that way. I want my son to love his dad, but his dad is such a **** to him. He calls him names...makes fun of him and his friends...only does things for him if it is convenient for his schedule and only gives him conditional love. I got so frustrated today because my son treats me coldly because it makes his dad happy to see me sad and it makes his dad lay off of him for awhile. I get why he does it... I know my son feels bad...I know he loves me. It just frustrates me that the narcissistic **** gets all the praise and attention of my son and I get treated like a second rate citizen in my own house. I feel like such a terrible mom that I let jealousy overcome me and make my son feel bad for not making me a stupid birthday card. I just cannot find the strength to leave and I know I need to. For my happiness...for my kids happiness.

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boho2019's picture
[55]
Jun 18

I just divorced my husband after 26 years. My children are 10 and 13. Yes I thought too I was doing some service to my kids by staying. I wasn’t. I was only enabling and subjecting them to an unhealthy and harmful atmosphere. It was hard on them when I left. But they understood. Their father tried to convince them I was the “bad guy”, I fought thru it all. I had no job but I was resolved to go. The courts will place your children with the parent who is fit to parent. My son shows signs of anger and aggression that we are going to see a counselor for. I pray my daughter does not marry a man like her dad. You can leave, you need to leave. Your children need a mom who is healthy. Who isn’t afraid and doesn’t allow another human to control their lives. It’s scary but you will come out the other side...it’s worth every step. Lean on everyone in your life who will give you support. You can do this...I will be praying for you.

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[4165]
Jun 18

@boho2019 Good for you boho! You are 100% right. Staying is worse in my opinion. I didn't want to teach mine to stay married to someone who cheated on them, didn't make them happy and didn't treat them the way they needed to be treated. We can't teach our kids to tolerate abuse!

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Daniel1018's picture
[13600]
Jun 18

@Killian0509 The only thing I didn’t lose was my house which I should be closing on at end of this month. I lost pretty much everything else and almost my sanity. I totally understand what your going through. You have to understand how the narc works. The narc preys on those very fears you just mentioned. My crazy *** narc could care less about making a scene or being embarr***ed. It’s not about that with them. It’s about using your fears against you to keep the narc in control. Your fears are not the same as a narcs fears. That’s why it’s so easy for them to control. Like a pit bull that targets someone, once it finds a target no matter how many people are around it will continue to attack that one target. You have to let go of your fears to the point where it doesn’t keep you bound to the narc. Lose your fears and you will lose the narcissist.

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