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I am so incredibly disappointed in myself. I have been unde

I am so incredibly disappointed in myself. I have been under so much stress for years, but it has escalated in the past few months. I have worked so hard to support my family and give them a good life. All while my narcissistic husband has not had an actual job in 15 years. I have run my business all by myself for 10 years...absolutely no help from my husband. I have tried to keep my husband happy by constantly buying bigger houses and nicer cars so that he would be happy and in hopes that I would finally be good enough. FYI, it never made him happier or respect me. Well, my business is struggling and I am barely holding it all together. I approached him to help me with the bills. To finally step up for the first time for his family. He has made my life a living h*ll since then and he has made it clear that he will not help. I am by nature a very sensible person, but I have allowed myself to make incredibly terrible choices to appease him, but go against all I believe in. I take full blame for my stupidity. I made all those poor choices to make someone happy that will never love me the way I deserve. And to make it worse, I had a bad day at work today stressing over money. I came home and my 13 year old son said he was going to make his dad a card for his birthday tomorrow. I started to cry and asked him why he didn’t bother to make me a card on my birthday. Jealousy... it is an ugly thing. I hate myself for feeling that way. I want my son to love his dad, but his dad is such a **** to him. He calls him names...makes fun of him and his friends...only does things for him if it is convenient for his schedule and only gives him conditional love. I got so frustrated today because my son treats me coldly because it makes his dad happy to see me sad and it makes his dad lay off of him for awhile. I get why he does it... I know my son feels bad...I know he loves me. It just frustrates me that the narcissistic **** gets all the praise and attention of my son and I get treated like a second rate citizen in my own house. I feel like such a terrible mom that I let jealousy overcome me and make my son feel bad for not making me a stupid birthday card. I just cannot find the strength to leave and I know I need to. For my happiness...for my kids happiness.

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kelly72's picture
[71830]
8 hours ago

Bad situation but you are NOT doomed. I'm afraid your son is doing that because he sees you doing it. I'm not being harsh at all but trying to help. You feel stupid (you are not) because you have allowed this occur and break your back trying to please the rotten "king". Your son is doing the same thing. Get him out of this situation now. Stop worrying about what it might do if you go and just go. What it might do will pleasantly surprise you. If you get out, you will show your children that abuse is not acceptable. Live a happy abuse-free life, fill it with love, prayers, support, reading, education, talking, sharing and no dad bashing and they will gravitate to you. Your home will be the home they will say "wow, it is so peaceful here". Yes, narc-dad will play games and try to wreak havoc but the best thing you can do about that is keep on keeping on in a positive direction. Be strong and don't look back. This will pay off far more than any business you try to keep afloat. Narc will eventually get new supply (rejoice, don't be jealous) and that will take the heat off. Once you go, if you must stay in occasional contact, keep it minimal, low and absolutely no emotion, no reaction. I assure you this will put you in a whole new world that you'll wish you'd fled to years ago. It's not too late. Do it "yesterday". Hugs and prayers. (for the kids, too!)

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boho2019's picture
[20]
4 hours ago

I just divorced my husband after 26 years. My children are 10 and 13. Yes I thought too I was doing some service to my kids by staying. I wasn’t. I was only enabling and subjecting them to an unhealthy and harmful atmosphere. It was hard on them when I left. But they understood. Their father tried to convince them I was the “bad guy”, I fought thru it all. I had no job but I was resolved to go. The courts will place your children with the parent who is fit to parent. My son shows signs of anger and aggression that we are going to see a counselor for. I pray my daughter does not marry a man like her dad. You can leave, you need to leave. Your children need a mom who is healthy. Who isn’t afraid and doesn’t allow another human to control their lives. It’s scary but you will come out the other side...it’s worth every step. Lean on everyone in your life who will give you support. You can do this...I will be praying for you.

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[3025]
4 hours ago

@boho2019 Good for you boho! You are 100% right. Staying is worse in my opinion. I didn't want to teach mine to stay married to someone who cheated on them, didn't make them happy and didn't treat them the way they needed to be treated. We can't teach our kids to tolerate abuse!

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