It’s 2:34 AM Wednesday morning. I am laying in bed reading

LollyNews's picture
(71595)

It’s 2:34 AM Wednesday morning. I am laying in bed reading a book.
Between that and these letters that I’ve been getting from my sister that my mom wrote to my dad back when she was a freshman in college and 17 years old, It’s all giving me flashbacks.
My mom loved my Dad so much but he was not that good to her. He started to treat her worse throughout the years and I’m having flashbacks of it now.
It breaks my heart. Especially because I think all of the years of abuse just wore her out and now she’s not here and he is. And no one wants to deal with him.
If my mom was here, she’d be at my sisters house with her grandkids. Loving her life. What is my father doing? Sitting at his house drinking alcohol staring at a TV and paying some woman to have sex with him. He never wanted to get married and have kids so he hates us all. Wow … wow… I’m really having bad flashbacks. It hurts my heart..
And it’s making me angry and wanting to think terrible things that I don’t want. I don’t think about this stuff anymore and I have forgiven him and don’t even think about it. But I’m reading this book about reincarnation I guess. It’s a lady who was a hypnotist and she’s telling the stories of people she hypnotize who have remembered past lives while under and they’re talking about that. And I just started thinking about it all. My mom was so good to my father. And now she’s gone and he’s here. He’s so selfish and hateful. Why did she die at 69 and he still here at 73. She would be here with her grandkids and really enjoying her life. in the last 2 1/2 years, my retired father who has nothing to do except be selfish and self absorbed, has seen his grandkids a total of 3 or 4 times. He could drive to their house anytime he wanted. He’s only seen them because my sister drives to his house. And one time was for a few minutes. He just doesn’t think about it. He’s too busy sitting around his house getting drunk.

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andine's picture
(75720)
Sep 15

So very sorry you have to go through this. Maybe try to take some breaks from this and try not to spend too much time dwelling on the past if it is giving you so much pain. I believe the past is useful to learn from but only if and when we are feeling stronger and more stable.

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I'm so sorry you are going thru this. Those flash backs can be hard. It sucks knowing someone you loved- loved someone who was bad to them! There is nothing you can do about it other than be aware of relationships yourself to not get in a bad relationship, since it often happens that we follow our parents. Keep guard, even tho you want your heart open to love. Be aware of signs early in relationships. I know it hurts your heart so much. She is in a better place where love is selfless and unconditional. Bless you dear.

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LollyNews's picture
(71595)
Sep 15

Thanks y’all. I just needed to vent that out. I didn’t want to keep messaging my sister about it. It doesn’t do any good. But I can vent here. Thank y’all. Everything‘s OK now.

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