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My husband is in rehab. I just got a call saying he wants a

My husband is in rehab. I just got a call saying he wants a divorce because he blames me for using. He says I made him miserable by begging him to get help for his previous mental issues. Is it normal for people in recovery to blame others as a stage of recovery or a symptom of withdrawal? I let him him know I wouldnt sign divorce papers because I made a promise to be there for him no matter what. But Im in shock at this point.

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NancyD's picture
Apr 26

From personal experience, emotions are all over the place while in rehab, especially in the beginning. He’s toxic still. Living with other toxic people. It’s not exactly conducive to a healthy mental outlook. I would take any of his statements, especially about your marital future with a grain of salt. As he learns more about himself, his choices, and hopefully some solutions for his life, the less he will automatically resort to playing the blame game whenever he finds himself in an uncomfortable situation. Hang in there.

Sh1tHappened's picture
Apr 26

i am sending you SO MANY hugs right now <3 I'm so sorry you're going through this, and I think you are an amazing person for sticking by him through this struggle. I want to say that Tolefo made a good point before, you did not put that needle in his arm or that drink down his throat...he is responsible for his own actions. Unfortunately I am very familiar with this situation and am at the beginning of divorcing an alcoholic husband. Listen to me when I say, that this is an issue that HE has and does not have the coping skills to deal with. And so his addiction is an unfortunate outcome of lacking coping skills. I believe he is in an early stage of recovery and has not yet accepted his responsibility in any of this.... he is dealing with anger and denial and you are an easy target to blame, especially if you have confronted him about his addiction and threatened his source of comfort. My husband has done the same thing, and you have to remember that this is something YOU are not able to fix. think about this, his addiction existed even the presence of you and your obviously amazing support, so clearly you are not the solution. He needs to be the one who acknowledges and explores this issue.... I know it's difficult but I hope you take care of yourself through this and don't let him make you feel like you are responsible for his actions. He is a big boy, and you are not his mommy.

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Stationary_Transient's picture
Apr 28

I blamed everyone BUT me. He is so fortunate to have you but, you have to take care of you FIRST even if it means leaving him alone to stew in his misery. It's amazing how fast I came around when I had no one left.

There are a lot of games in recovery, some unconscious and some completely purposely. If he really wants a healthy life with you he will pick his a$$ up and get it done if not, he will pickle himself to death. My concern is you. Never devalue your life for another. Your kindness is needed on this earth and many people deserve the chance to meet you.

He will be no good to anyone until he cares enough about himself. This is a situation that you have to realize you have zero control over however, you are in complete control of you. Sending lots of love but way more muscle!!! You do you FIRST right now. Please.


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