Pretty dam down! HELP One question that come to my mind q

Pretty dam down! HELP

One question that come to my mind quite often is.....What is life for. Why keep awaking up when life has passed you by, with no hope for a better tomorrow? Why keep going when i know I'll never truly change? What good is it to wake up when it's the same old song and dance you've danced to since 5 years old? Why keep trying when you know nothing will ever change inside yourself? Why keep moving forwards when you know what's coming. Why keep struggling when death will release the pain i keep buried deep inside, hidden from one and all alike. What is the use when you have nothing to look forwards to, when you missed the best thing that should have happened to you in life? (10 year's ago) How can one find the drive to change oneself when you have no motivation to drive change forwards? No courage to change thing's? No desires for a better tomorrow? No one beside you to encourage the effort to change. Memories of things that should have been from so long ago that was stolen from my future, that still drives me to do somethings still, but not in the same manor as was planned out by us. When i look up from the ground i see that memory that should have been rolling by me :'-( can't help it, it's a permanent part of our world. Talking about it doesn't help, keeping quite doesn't help, remembering her and the love & dreams we wanted to create doesn't help. I even went as far as i could just to honor her desire for our future together (it doesn't help) over time understood why she was token from me, but it doesn't release the anger and rage I feel toward the one I think took her from my future, or the memory of pain, anger, loss, grief, regret, sorrow, longing to tell her the things i should have told her when i had the chance. (I lost her about 25 years ago) Why do I keep waking up when all I've ever longed for is to leave this plane of existence and never return again! Why do i even bother with life when I've never or will ever have anything to consider worth living for? What can i offer GOD but a broke down useless soul with nothing to show for his entire life time, but sorrow, misery, pain, and a waisted breath of life? The only thing i can show him is no matter how bad my life got, that i never went evil or did evil acts towards others (for the most part) but what's that worth compared to other's who has someone, something, and accomplish things worthy of praise. I have nothing to offer to anyone, because it doesn't come from me, but through me. Do you praise the the chisel or the artist when you see a beautiful art work? (All would say the artist, while in truth I'm the chisel that the artist uses to make beautiful art work, and sets aside when done) for i have very little to no knowledge of 99.9% of my posts or comments on y'alls posts. But y'all think that even if it come through me, that it comes from me, or that no one would see the answers; the answers i give are from everyone else who's alive or has pasted since the dawn of man, so someone else would also have the same answers as well. Why keep trying when my life has been 1 big failure after another. One rut after another. My bedroom suite is built at the bottom of the pit of despair, grief, misery, & depression. I've given up on ever seeing the light of hope,or a helping hand out of the pit of despair

I really do need help! Very badly need help! Because I don't know how much longer I can last! I'm very tired! So tired of seeing another day!

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Brent1228's picture
[41920]
Jun 26

@Stony No, not wrong. Same room, and I'm not so gullible that changing the color is going to make it a different place. I've already gotten rid of the majority of my furniture and mementos, yet it's still the same place strangely enough. Don't make the mistake thinking I'm a little bambi and had to be told to try and change things up. It didn't work for me.

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369's picture
[27255]
Jun 26

@Brent1228 I'm not trying to treat you like bambi, but a change up usually helps to make the place feel like home again.

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Brent1228's picture
[41920]
Jun 26

@Stony Trust me brother, I've stumbled down that road, and came back with a fist full of nothin.

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