I never felt so unwanted and alone in my life. How can I lov

I never felt so unwanted and alone in my life. How can I love this man so much and speak very highly of but If you ask him I’m the worst person in the world and unlovable. I don’t understand how one day he act like I’m so important then another day he says the most awful and hateful things about me. People has always said I am loving, sweet and caring but he says I’m a ****** human being that no one would ever love. The more I show him I care the more hurtful things he say to me. I just want to crawl in my bed and never get out. I’ve been up a backwards for this man but nothing I do is ever good enough or appreciated. I’m always wrong he’s always right . I feel I need to give up on people. I am angry, hurt and depressed

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Snoozeroni's picture
Nov 16

@Ejb You have to trust yourself... Take more time with the people you meet to get to know them, although them Narcs and Socios are hard to spot until they have us where they want us... These days I'm looking for the diamonds in the rough... If we trust someone again and they blow it, that is on them, not us... <3

Wispa's picture
Nov 20

@kelly72 Hi, thank you for your post, reassurance, prayers and hugs. It meant a lot. I have had a day of strange emotions today, I received the Decree Absolute, I admit I cried and have had so many memories flooding back and if I am honest some doubts, questions - did I do enough, should I have listened more? My decision to divorce was the right one but it still hurt when the Absolute arrived. Why I ask myself.
Yes how very true, everything was my fault during our marriage and even now in his eyes. What has really hurt recently, just 10 days ago is in a letter from his solicitor,in which my ex says "I am uncooperative and untrustworthy" as I returned his belongings in 54 not 40 boxes as I had advised and this cost him considerably more. I wish I had had that bonfire now!! but at the time I thought no, I do not want comeback I will box them for when he does ask for them, his belongings do this right. WRONG still my fault, too many boxes!
"Primary Supply" I can see that, I did the major brunt of the jobs.
Both sons are so much more relaxed and happier, truly coming into their own.
I know we will be better off and I know this painful emotion I feel today will lessen. We met when I was 17, we had a chaotic life, it will take a little time because it just feels so peacefully strange now.
Friends and neighbours have commented we have stood tall and not reacted to the many accusations stones he has thrown our way but I do feel so exhausted, used.
He is now moving nearer to us with his gf, within the next month, why? after having said he never would move back to the area and was happy. This has got me jumpy, I never want to see him again, I have been nc since Dday.
I truly hope I will find the strength and peace of mind to cope with him moving nearer with her.

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kelly72's picture
Nov 20

@Wispa Why? I'd bet he wants what narcs love best, an audience! If they don't have someone to parade NS in front of then they parade them everywhere! The NarcWaste I was with paraded me everywhere and I even caught him sending a picture of us together to an exgirlfriend. They are really pathetic losers. You are the winner! Today's Absolute was a reminder that the end is real, I know that hurt. But look at this way...if you saw that again tomorrow it would not hurt as bad, the next day even less....and so on. Every little first gives a jolt but once you work those little pings and pangs out you will begin to feel better and better. A day will come soon when you will wonder how in the world you put up with him as long as you did and will thank God it's over! In the meantime, I continue to keep Wispa in my prayers. That strength and peace of mind is closer than you know. I bet your kids are proud of you!


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