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Why do I mentally abuse myself?

Why do I mentally abuse myself?

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Nov 30

@sueshe yes the feelings will follow. You just have to keep working on it and break the pattern.

snowfaery27's picture
Dec 5

I can't tell you why specifically, but know you aren't alone. Honestly I do the same thing. I don't even want to, it's just a weird natural reaction it seems like, and after a while it becomes comfortable. Try writing down two columns, one with your negative thoughts, and the second with the positive opposite. For example, if your thought is, I will never be enough, the positive opposite is, "I am enough just the way I am." When I did this, I didn't believe it at first, but I kept repeating it and after a while, the positivity starts to replace the negativity. I'm praying for you, dear one. No matter what your mental abuse sessions are telling you about yourself, know that you are beautiful and brave and kind and smart and more than enough exactly as you are. You are not too much or too little. I don't believe God makes any mistakes, including you. You are a wonderful creation, no matter what you or anyone else may say. You are on purpose.

Dec 6

That's a tough question!  Oftentimes, we are our own worst critics.  I'd venture to say when we are especially hard on ourselves we have probably dealt with some pretty painful times.  I watched abusive relationships growing up and then trying to make a better life for myself, found I was making my life even harder in making choices out of insecurities and pain.  When I did that I found myself in abusive relationships.  It took me a long time to realize the madness and get the help I needed to rebuild myself.  I had to come to full terms that the pain of my past was no longer defining me, rather I was.  I don't know if you have had a similar story.  I do know there are many things that can transpire in our lives that can cause low self-esteem and pain we need to work through.  I found counseling to be very helpful for me to learn how to love myself, find out why I was making the choices I was making, and begin to use healthy tools that helped me overcome the very negative critical things I thought about myself.  Somethings that have helped me along the way was realizing keeping myself in pain doesn't help me live the life I want.  I had to get clear about what kind of life I wanted to live and begin to work on loving myself.  I found in being so self-critical I lost any idea of who I was and the value I had.  I found journaling about my past pain, current pain, goals, what I like, what I don't like, what I value and feel is important in life, what are my strengths and weaknesses, how can I use my weaknesses to turn to a positive, etc.  For me, building my faith in God was hugely important to find my value and worth.  I would write positive affirmation (statements I wanted/needed to believe about myself) and scriptures that touched me on sticky notes and post them all over my bedroom or write them with dry erase on my bathroom mirrors.  I have learned that we are most miserable in life when we are not living our values.  Getting clear about what you believe and why, then make your choices in life to follow those values, will help to feel good about ourselves!  Anytime I start to get an uncomfortable feeling inside about a conversation, relationship or things I'm doing in my life I pay attention now.  Emotions are warning signs something needs attention in our lives.  I spent years turning my anger, frustration and hurts in on myself because I learned at a young age when something is out of my element of control I still had control to turn things in.  I also found that when circumstances were unreasonable and others wanted to blame me for their stuff it was easier to accept I must be the problem.  I had learned this so young it was hard for me to understand I was doing this.  Abandonment and rejection was part of my experience at a young age and I somehow internalized that as a defected me.  I am here to say that all of those messed up experiences were not my fault and the outcomes were lies I believed for a long time.  You are worth all the work it takes to find the unique beautiful person that you were and are created to be!  I know this to be true!
I know of a free referral network that can assist you in finding a licensed therapist, if that's something you think could be of help to you:

Praying you find the answers you are looking for yourself and you realize how valuable you are!  You are worth every moment you decide to invest in loving yourself!

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