Happy 2020!!!
"The best is yet to come."
-Frank Sinatra

I made a post yesterday of which I left out a lot of stuff..

I made a post yesterday of which I left out a lot of stuff...

Every day I get told I’m fat, ugly, horrible and get told that no one loves me and ever will and that my partner hopes that I’ll die.
She will hit me and scream in my face and tell me I’m worthless pretty much daily.

She knows about traumatic things from my past such as the abuse I received from my parents or the attempted murder that my first ever girlfriend perpetrated toward me and the second girlfriend abusing me and cheating on me every day which results in me being anxious and very very unwilling to trust.

But the biggest thing to me is communication so whenever I get these feelings of not being able to trust I communicate or at least I attempt to, I will tell her I feel insecure or worried or that I feel jealous.

Whenever I try to communicate my feelings I get told a number of horrible things and have always been told that I need to shut up and that no one wants to hear me etc

She has said things such as: “I’m glad your baby died” (because she knows with my second girlfriend who abused me we had a miscarriage) “you’re an ugly c*nt who I hope drowns in a bathtub” etc

But lately instead of communicating I’ve been doing something terrible and I just lash out, I’ve started snapping and I hate myself for doing so...I have become the perpetrator of abuse and I just get so angry and upset and emotional.

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Jan 16

You have to go, leave this person. No one should be told these things. What you've been doing, wanting to react in negative ways, is your way of showing you, this has to stop. I know where you're coming from, wanting to become that way. So that is why you need to leave. You've been trauma bonded with this person, so now you feel attached, but you know it is hurting you. Your staying with her is only enabling her to not get the help she needs to be restored to wholeness.

Jan 17

You are enough and no one should tell you otherwise if they do then they aren’t right for you. You go live your life and not care about them. That will be the gift you give yourself.


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