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I made a post yesterday of which I left out a lot of stuff..

I made a post yesterday of which I left out a lot of stuff...

Every day I get told I’m fat, ugly, horrible and get told that no one loves me and ever will and that my partner hopes that I’ll die.
She will hit me and scream in my face and tell me I’m worthless pretty much daily.

She knows about traumatic things from my past such as the abuse I received from my parents or the attempted murder that my first ever girlfriend perpetrated toward me and the second girlfriend abusing me and cheating on me every day which results in me being anxious and very very unwilling to trust.

But the biggest thing to me is communication so whenever I get these feelings of not being able to trust I communicate or at least I attempt to, I will tell her I feel insecure or worried or that I feel jealous.

Whenever I try to communicate my feelings I get told a number of horrible things and have always been told that I need to shut up and that no one wants to hear me etc

She has said things such as: “I’m glad your baby died” (because she knows with my second girlfriend who abused me we had a miscarriage) “you’re an ugly c*nt who I hope drowns in a bathtub” etc

But lately instead of communicating I’ve been doing something terrible and I just lash out, I’ve started snapping and I hate myself for doing so...I have become the perpetrator of abuse and I just get so angry and upset and emotional.

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[100]
Apr 26

Thank you for the comments guys they are appreciated!
I found out she cheated on me too and I left the relationship and I’m attempting to get my life back on track and work on myself as much as I can during lockdown

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[90]
Apr 27

i feel, in life, you should surround yousrself with people that build you up. not break you down. people that encourage you to be the best person you can be. that sounds like thta person could be toxxic for the emotional needs that you have right now. i feel you should not have that person in your life if you ever want to feel good about yourself. a partner should bring out the best in you. cut out the negative people and surround yourself with the positive ones.

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summer4evr's picture
[1105]
Apr 27

I agree with @mattywall, surround yourself with good to prosper as stated by Maslow's hierarchy of needs. I would also recommend talking to a counselor and potentially getting out of this dangerous situation you are in rt now. Also it may seem like you are a perpetrator but I think you are just defending yourself. Pls seek help immediately! I wish you the best

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