wayneseitz

Well,first of all I,am wayne I,am a Alcoholic.And this is whats left of wayne.I,ve spent about 22 years in a bottle.When i was 42 I thought damn,I feel like shit.Anything that ever matterd to me was gone.I lost it all,And blaimed everyone around me it was there fault.Not mine.It didn,t matter if I lost my family or not.Not at this point I had a one way ticket to pure hell.The bad part of that,I was ok with it.There came a point in my life were the doctors said wayne your going to die if you keep going like this,That didn,t stop me ether I fell even lower,I became a street drunk i lived on the tracks pan handled and stayed drunk.untill I got into some trouble,witch turned out to be a" Blessing"I was faceing 14 years in prison.while sitting in the county prison a priest asked to talk.He ask me alot of things one was do you want help I thought for a long time and thought to myself I,am not going to a rehab,He told me this is not a rehab Its a spiritual based program.I thought at first why I,am going away for along time.But i came to this point some how that.I can,t help myself.So i will go i said even at that point i was still going to prison.I will go to this place and do what was asked of me,after all it beat sitting in jail.When i got there i thought wow what a nice place in the woods away from everyone,There were only 3 meetings a day,I could live with that right.My first day there was march 16th 2005.The first sunday i was there Msgr.peterson came to give mass,hell it was really all really strange to me .But after mass he ask to talk to me.I said sure why not.He tells me I know your father wayne .Well how is that,he told me my father came to him some 30 years before in need of help.My father was a Alcoholic but has been sober for years.he ask how do you feel about him? well I said if i ever saw him i would beat him with a 2x4 he used to beat my mother while he was drunk,I hated him!!!And something about me talking about my father brang all these feelings out and I just lost it.Before leaving father peterson he said something to me.He said wayne you are loved.I left thinking who could love the likes of me.I,ve done my family wrong horrably wrong spent the house payments drank up money for school clothes for my children you name it.I cryed most of that night ,Some for what I,ve done to my family but mostly I think self-pity.On april 19th or around there i went to court all ready for prison my things were packed away untill i got out.Well this is were everything changed for me Father peterson went to court with me I was ready for the judge to sentance me and he said 90 days at father petersons I stayed with father peterson for 2 and half years.Had some real work to get done ME!! Boy was i a mess.So i always say the day that put me behide bars was a blessing.I really think I would be dead now.Today life is worth living,I talk to my children now and have one who lives with me.Sure theres days that I feel what is this all for and i got remember were i was in2005.I still go out to the Lodge we call it for mass and a talk with Father peterson.He is 86 now and still the most humble person I,ve ever met.He gave me love and compassion and understanding.Now that this was all given me freely.I try to give back and try to help anyone who is in need.I don,t have all the answers but I,am willing to listen,and help in any way I can I don,t go to as many AA meetings anymore because raising my son leaves not much time so I was just sitting at the table last week and looked up Alcohol meetings on line after all it was worth a try just to see what was out there.And came across this page,See God working in my life again.He is always there for me and you.If anyone wants to talk I will be there to listen.And hope you,ll be there for me AA is a pay forward program,Not a pay back program.God Bless all of you.Remember you are Loved.{Still Keeping the Faith}

Latest Posts by wayneseitz

• 
  My Son
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  This Christmas I fined myself in a Hotel room waiting to see my son who is locked up in a boys home because of a drug problem.My problem is I can't he...
  Latest Post by wayneseitz on Tue, 12/27/2011 - 12:26. Comments - 2
• 
  Now that Christmas and the New year is upon us..
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  This time of year is always tough on me and others i know that try to remain sober.I've had friends fall to the wayside over the Christmas season.Well...
  Latest Post by Samantha Stephens on Wed, 12/07/2011 - 08:22. Comments - 1
• 
  Does my Sobriety really matter to my loved ones??
  Alcohol
  I,ve been sober for some time now.My problem is some of my loved ones don,t seem to care.When I bring up recovery I,am kinda pushed to the side.It may...
  Latest Post by wayneseitz on Sun, 12/04/2011 - 10:35. Comments - 11
• 
  Where would I be today?
  Alcohol
  Only God knows the answer to that.I have a pretty good Idiea were I,d be jail or drunk on the streets and maybe dead.I don't know but,I,am not into re...
  Latest Post by raydee on Fri, 11/25/2011 - 06:15. Comments - 1

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