StillAching

Hi.... I'm a Freshman in college, I'm going for Cosmetology, ironic isn't it? The one thing I like to do is make other people feel beautiful, but lack the feeling for myself. I have a younger sister I'm completely envious of, she's always so self-confident, no matter what anyone says to her, she's this strong will of power. I'd like to say "I don't care, I'm going to eat, because I like it." (Her exact words to a one of our family members comments about gaining weight.) But..I break easily. When I was younger, it was actually my father (and an Uncle) who called me fat. I was nine at the time. For the next weeks after that I would stare in the mirror naked and try and convince myself that I wasn't fat. By the time I turned twelve I became obsessed with exercising and trying to avoid fattening foods. At the age of fifteen, I was down to a cup of ramen a day. My mother helped me start eating healthy again, low calorie foods and such. Supportive phrases and force-feeding between the both of us crying. I was okay for till junior year in high school. I began exercising again, excessively. And now I'm limiting my food slowly again to avoid my mother's disappointing gazes. I'm angry at her right now, she went for a check up, lost two pounds, eats all the time and does no exercise. Why won't my body do that?

Latest Posts by StillAching

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  I hate/love....flirting...
  Eating Disorder
  Hey everyone, I just want to know if I am screwing this up with being so insecure about myself. There's this really cute guy in my class, and we'v...
  Latest Post by CK on Mon, 04/30/2012 - 12:58. Comments - 1
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  Unsuccessful appointment & quitting my job. Shoudl I?..:(
  Eating Disorder
  Okay, so Friday I gathered up whatever small amount of courage I had inside to ask my teacher where the counseling rooms where, of course she asked qu...
  Latest Post by CK on Wed, 03/28/2012 - 08:42. Comments - 1
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  At the Steak house...
  Eating Disorder
  So, this spring break was supposed to be fun and a good time for me. I went running a mile with my friends, some of them cheated, lol! Unfortuna...
  Latest Post by StillAching on Fri, 03/23/2012 - 05:29. Comments - 3
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  It made my stomach hurt :(
  Eating Disorder
  So yesterday I thought I would put a little more effort into my eating and ate something I really, really wanted to eat. It was only a bacon biscu...
  Latest Post by marcie on Wed, 03/07/2012 - 15:07. Comments - 1
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  Working Around the Enemy
  Eating Disorder
  I'm a student in college right now; taking the required courses to become a cosmetologist. Unfortunatley, the actual cosmetology school is going to ...
  Latest Post by StillAching on Mon, 03/05/2012 - 20:17. Comments - 2
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  I'm The Worst Friend Ever! :(
  Eating Disorder
  Things have taken a turn for the worst these past few days. My friend has developed severe depression after a break up with her boyfriend. It's got...
  Latest Post by searching4freedom on Mon, 03/05/2012 - 05:38. Comments - 5
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  Hate This Feeling!
  Anorexia
  I'm trying to do my best to eat the normal amount I should and not over exercise, but today is a terrible day! It felt so easy this morning eating my ...
  Latest Post by Alex23 on Fri, 02/24/2012 - 13:51. Comments - 2
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  A date with food :(
  Eating Disorder
  I'm going out today with a few of my friends in what seems like an eternity. I'm really excited about hanging out with them since we don't really se...
  Latest Post by Pinkpod on Wed, 02/22/2012 - 08:41. Comments - 1
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  Am I cheating?
  Anorexia
  I've been doing good this last week, eating small meals and when I don't want them I eat a snack. But the journal I used to keep my calorie count in, ...
  Latest Post by JessicaC on Wed, 02/08/2012 - 13:29. Comments - 1
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  Starting to Feel more Insane...
  Anorexia
  Okay, so I'm new to this, but trying to get over this alone hasn't helped me. I've been okay semi-without ED for two and a half years. Semi- because...
  Latest Post by StillAching on Wed, 02/08/2012 - 12:55. Comments - 2

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