MissCat

I first began my relationship with food when I was a child. I have always been afraid to vomit or have anyone around me vomit. I have Emetophobia: an extreme fear of vomiting. I had been dealing with this phobia for all of my life, so it was no surprise when I caught a stomach flu a 16, it was terrifying. I was so afraid of vomiting I would refuse to eat. I would want to eat so badly, but I was just too scared. I eventually began to scared of eating that one day when I tried to eat a saltine cracker I became so anxious that I actually threw up. After this, I was too afraid to eat. After a few weeks of minimal eating, my stomach flu came and went. But now I was afraid to eat, period. I had 'safe foods'; foods I knew I wouldn't throw up if I ate. I also had to wait three hours between each meal to do any physcial activity because if I did a physical action with a full stomach I was afraid I would vomit. This began my OCD. Eventually I began to lose weight. I began to get a comment here or there. "Hey skinny-mini!" I had to admit, I liked it. So I secretly continued on my quest to lose weight. It went beyond anything I could ever imagine. At ages 17-18 I became very ill. My MD had dignosed me with Anorexia. I laughed. I denied it. Then he told me that my blood pressure was so low, that I could die in sleep. My world haulted. I was terrified I would go to sleep and never wake up. But when I went to bed that night, I awoke the next day with no problem. I felt immortal. I went throughout my 18th year sick as I could ever be. I restricted my diet to a certain number and would NOT eat above it. If I could eat below the number, it was a good day. Above it? It was a bad day. I would chew half sticks of gun to keep away hunger pain, drink loads of water and excerise to no limit. I was also throwing huge tantrums everyday. Huge fits that would cause me to cut and hurt myself. We happen to live above our landlord so we were always in danger of getting evicted. So I would always run away to get away from it all. Until one day my folks to me to the emergency room. I had gone there via ambulance and I couldn't have been more angry at my Mother. I was told that if I continued down the road I was going I would die within two weeks. My kidneys were shutting down and I was wasting away. When I refused hopsital/medical help and was taken home I came to a reailzation. I didn't want to live like this anymore. So I changed my ways. I began to eat what I wanted, when I wanted, how ever much I wanted. It was the best 3 months of my life. But sadly I am relapsing. I am falling back into my old habits and I want help. I never came forward like this with my disease at all and now I want to get help. I do not want to force myself to a restricted number or time of day. Or even eating once every five minutes like I once did. I need help and that's what I am here for.

Latest Posts by MissCat

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  Feeling The Need To Eat Until I'm Sick
  Anorexia
  Lately, I've been noticing at night time, that I've been wanting to eat until my stomach aches. Is this normal? I mean, I'm terrified of throwing up (...
  Latest Post by Aus on Sat, 05/01/2010 - 19:47. Comments - 5
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  When I'm Hungry, What Should I Do?
  Anorexia
  Like alot of people who have an ED, I have a very ridged daily routine. I have certain times when I eat. But...when I get hungry inbetween...what shou...
  Latest Post by MissCat on Wed, 04/28/2010 - 23:50. Comments - 20
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  How Do I Think Differently?
  Anorexia
  Lately, I've been trying to expand my food intake and eat different things. Things that can be hard for me, for instince. I just ate something that is...
  Latest Post by shanabanana on Fri, 04/16/2010 - 04:52. Comments - 8
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  I'm new
  Anorexia
  Hello my name is Cat and I'm a recovering anorexic. I've been in recovery now for 18 months and I am relapsing. I'm trying my hardest to over come thi...
  Latest Post by Laura_R on Fri, 04/02/2010 - 19:33. Comments - 9
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  I feel ashamed.
  Eating Disorders
  It's only been about 20 minutes after my dinner and I'm feeling the guilt of eating. I hate feeling this way but on the other hand, I feel horrible, j...
  Latest Post by janurse on Tue, 03/30/2010 - 05:03. Comments - 10
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  18th Month In Recovery
  Anorexia
  Today makes the 18th month of my recovery. I'm saddened by the fact that I'm still as sick as I am. In some ways I'm feel so overweight and lazy. Why ...
  Latest Post by MissCat on Sat, 03/27/2010 - 01:36. Comments - 3