May 22, 2012 | Subscribe

Body 'Checking'

You know what ‘body checking’ is…you are constantly feeling your stomach to see if it feels bigger….you may see if, and how many, fingers you can fit into the waistline of your jeans….or maybe you check multiple times during the day to see how your fingers fit around your wrist, or for me, my upper arm. This applies to mirror images also. Do you turn sideways every time you pass the mirror to make sure your stomach is still flat? Or when you pass by the shop windows along the street, do you stare at your image in horror, or do you look to make sure you appear ‘thin enough’?
I can identify with all of these and many more. During my recovery, as I was trying to learn how to deal with the changes in my body and the weight I had gained, I had to come up with some form of ‘strategy’ in order to stay sane. I made the decision to stop all ‘body checking’. This meant that if I knew an article of clothing would cause me to worry and fret, I wouldn’t wear it. For a period of time, I covered the mirrors in my apartment, aside from a small area to apply make-up and do my hair, so that I would not focus on how my body looked. I made a point to avoid watching those shop windows. I stopped ‘checking’ to see the difference in my wrist or arm size. And, I stopped looking at the tags in my clothing. Some of them I cut out purposely to avoid dwelling on sizes.
I didn’t have to do this forever, but it helped me tremendously ‘in the moment’, and later on, as I dealt with letting go of body image issues.

http://freefromexpectations.blogspot.com/

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By hopeful on Mon, 01-25-10, 15:24

Jan,

Thanks for sharing this! Yes, I relate to the relentless body checking. It's hard to pass a window or a mirror, and not out of vanity. In some way I'm checking to make sure I'm okay: that I really matter. As if size or image could really determine worth... I have to admit... I own a watch that was a graduation gift. I wear it every day. It fit snugly when I was at my heaviest. It's halfway to my elbow these days... I've only told a couple of people that... But it's really a form of body checking, too...

Love your posts, my friend! :)

Jen

http://hopefulhealing.blogspot.com/

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By Gembo1 on Mon, 01-25-10, 15:38

Hi, yeah I know exactly what you mean and I do this everyday, everytime I go to the toilet I look at my stomach, sometimes I stare at it for ages in a trance. I think that this is really good advice thanks I'm going to keep it in mind.

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By anon2 on Mon, 01-25-10, 20:18

Ok so this may sound out there Crazy...as far as body checking goes I use my undegarments as away to check my body if they start to feel slightly snug I know my weight is up I start to freak or worry .I check my hip bones if I can see them (and Im not emaciated) but I feel good if I can see them or feel them slightly.I use windows as mirrors also.I have always been disgusted with women with big boobs maybe because men seem to love them.They see them as a sex object.So I am afraid of that so I check the space with my fingers in my bra:P to make sure Im not getting bigger ..sounds a bit crazy Im sure.
thanks for shareing this Jan..I can see that it is possible to hopefully leave all of this behind.

Grace

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By hopeful on Tue, 01-26-10, 05:14

Not crazy, Grace. Just real. Bones are real indicators, I guess... Hip bones, collar bones... What are they really? That which gives us structure and strength. Scaffolding for LIFE. We should be more interested in protecting them and building them up than in wearing them down and out... The lies of Ed...

http://hopefulhealing.blogspot.com/

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By nothing is wrong on Tue, 01-26-10, 07:26

I check to make sure my rib bones are peeking out through my chest and torso. I feel mesmerized by them even though I prolly look like a kid from a third world country. ANd i am always checking to make sure I can pull my jeans up without unbuttoning them.

Funny, I consider my jeans to "not fit" anymore when they start fitting me right and not hang on me.

You know, when I first heard about eating disorders, the first thing that came to mind was a girl who never got off the scale. SO i thought, well, she should just get rid of the scale. NOT TRUE! this "body checking" can happen even with out the scale. UGH!

"Dance like no one is watching."

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By christa33 on Tue, 01-26-10, 08:44

wow--jan--i do this all the time. i always always body check. it s a habit i cant stop---even after in recovery---well--its worse in recovery cause im still trying ot figure out who it is in that mirror. im always picking on myself and saying i need to improve that i need to improve this---that isnt good enough and this doesnt look good--blah blah blah....i may be eating healthy but my mindset is not cured from ED yet. so much self criticism in that mirror---your not this , your not that---why are your hips so big, why are your arms so chubby, blah blah---could i ever say anything nice for once?? i dont think it possible for me to like any part of my body. i just hate it all. yes, it is great i have been eating for almost 2 months now but my criticism and hatred is still very much there.
id love to stop this stupid habit. even in the shopping malls my fiancee had to pull me from the mirrors---it was embarrassing. it s just that---i cant figure out who that girl is in the mirror nor do i like her. i wish i could like my reflection. but i just cant. its really sad. never good enough. ughhhh..
id love to stop body checking and stop piching the "fat" off my stomach, arms, hips, etc and punishing myslef for this. ugh... i dont know how to stop though...maybe itll get better in time....im always worried ill gain more weight.

maureen

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By stonemala on Tue, 01-26-10, 14:19

thank you jan....
so many obsessions i've kept secret- even from myself sometimes... secrets of which i am ashamed. secrets that set me apart. secrets that isolated me.

there is a sense of relief for me that others have similar behaviors. i've tried for so many years to talk myself OUT of having anything but a few oddities. i CONTINUE to try to talk myself out of believing i have disordered thoughts or behaviors.

i confess to body checking. uuugh. in my bellydance class, my tribe jokes with me about how i'm always messing with my shirt... pulling it away from my skin. they joke how i will place my hand over my stomach most of the time when we are NOT dancing. i like bones. i hate my stomach. when i'm nervous i find myself wrapping my fingers around my wrist. i've had times in my life when the importance of these behaviors has been higher...

wow.... just wow.
amy xoxo

http://aweighkenED.blogspot.com/

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By MJD on Tue, 01-26-10, 15:14

Ditto, Ditto and Ditto to all of the above. I noticed something recently and wanted to see if others have had the same experience. When I look in the mirror at myself I do not see a thin person. But when I look at a photo of myself I cannot believe it is me; and I do see a thin person.
Has anyone else experienced this?

Molly

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By anon2 on Tue, 01-26-10, 16:11

Yes yes Yes MOLLY..
When I look in my mirror I see a bigger person.When I seen a photo of me last summer I couldn't believe it was me.I looked thin and I didn't look healthy.

Grace

I also put my fingers around my wrist to check if they will still fit around.

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By christa33 on Tue, 01-26-10, 18:49

Totally_i agree---_i dont get that at all. i look int he mirror and is see fat---yet i look last year we were at a carnival, and i didnt want to take my picture cause i was too fat(as usual) but my fiancee took the pic and i looked at it and i was soooooo thin! my face was gaunt and my eyes were all sunken in. i coulnt believe how thin that girl was . it was amazing--how that happens. i dont get it--why would a mirror lie like that???
i think that when we look in a mirror we are looking at ourselves with our feelings inside of us, while when we look at a picture of us--we see ourselves as another person, like non objectively---does that make sense??? cause i really dont get why that happens. although there are plenty of times where i do take have pics taken and think im fat, also. hence, i dont like having my picture taken at all...
thanks for bringing that up! i thought i was the only person that happened to.

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