Im in big trouble
So, I went on a walk yesterday with Lambert House, its a place that gay, lebians, bisexuals, transgenders people go to hang out. Once a month, the "house" holds a hike. Yesterday was my first hike I went on with the Lambert House people. There was a 21 year old bisexual man, and 2 older men who were leading the hike. The hike was fun and all. The other man who was on the hike as a member of Lambert House, Manny, was a very nice man. He kept telling me how beautiful my eyes are, how nice I am and how hed like to be in a relationship with me. Ive gone to Lambert House occansionaly for about a year now and have seen Manny around. He goes to Lambert House everyday. I said "youre a nice man too and Id like to be friends for now." He was fine with that.. On the hike, the two leaders went ahead and Manny gave me some X2C. He told me it would rid me of all my problems. I took it and sure enough it did. The X2C made me calm but, now, Im wanting more.
My mom doesnt know about me taking this medicine. Shes been worried with the friends I make and she knows Ive become addicted to Oxy and Vicodin before. My mom also knows that Ive been diagnosed with being an alcoholic and I have to go to AA. I cant tell my mom. My mom thinks that Manny is a wonderful man and she knows I love him. Manny and I have been texting and thats cool and all. He wants us to hang out "alone" sometime. I said I dont know. Manny does drink and use drugs sometimes. Im only taking it one day at a time for now.
I cut last night really bad. The cut is really red and sore now. I was really upset that I toook that pill. I really want to be normal again and that X2C made me feel normal. But kids who do drugs, cut, are anorexic, drink and stuff like that are not normal one bit. I put some medicine on the cut so it wont get infected.
I ate a lot last night. I think it was because the X made me hungry. Well, it wasnt too much but, it was enough for me to purge and take a lot of laxatives afterwards. My mom doesnt know about me purging again either. My mom thinks Im "over" my eating disorders. But, how could I be over them if I still exercise a lot everyday, I still purge, I still eat in secrecy(meaning I dont eat) and if I still worry all the time about how I look?
My back has been really bad lately. Ive taken Oxy and Vicodin everyday now for like 6 days. Im going to the back and spine doctor on Wednesday which is when I run out of the pills. Im hoping the doctor will prescribe me more. Im not abusing these pain pills which is good. I take one or the other every 6 hours for pain with some food so I dont get sick. I also take 800mg of Inuprofen with each dose of the oxy or vicodin.
My heads hurting a lot. Ive had a migraine since last night. Ive been resting a lot today and am just telling my mom that I dont feel well so, she wont think Im high or on drugs or anything like that. My mom would freak if she knew and shed send me to treatment right away. I was away from home for over 4 years and if I leave again, I wont come back alive.
Can someone give me some support??