My husband commited suicide in our bed while laying next to me in Feb.2011, we were married for 35 years.
I am still having a very hard time dealing with it. I have so much anger inside me it is just unbeliviable, I am not the person I used to be,I have more bad days then good ones.
lost our house (he was our provider and left me with 3.00)I have moved in with my daughter her husband and 4 kids (who I am constantly screaming at) never did with my own 4 kids.
I am on medication for PTSD and anxiety,they just don't seem to be working, someone suggested I find a support group and talk about it so here I am. any suggestions on how to deal with all of this?
Oh my gosh - what you have been through is horrifying! But you know that far better than I do. God Bless you as you search for healing.
And I promise - you can heal from this emotional trauma. There is nothing we can't heal from - with the right kind of help.
My suggestion is that medication alone cannot "fix" this. You really need therapy too. The medication does not stop your thoughts, and images from flashing back. I recommend you search for a therapist that is certified in Somatic Experience. You can even google the institute for a list in your area.
You need help to get through this and you probably need more care than a support group can provide you at the moment. I think that may be something for down the road, but not today. You are too emotional right now and need help with all those feelings. This is understandable and normal. What you have been through will take some considerable time to heal - but it happens in small doses - not one big moment.
Your anger at your family is a symptom of your emotional state. You are barely hanging on and the additional stimulus of having them around is grating on your very frazzled nerves. It isn't that you don't love them, it is that you can't handle any more than you are currently dealing with and every little bit extra causes you to overflow with emotions, be it anger, tears, depression, etc. I call it "white knuckling" your way through the day.
The right help will make a world of difference in your life. Invest in yourself and get the help any way you can. Where there is a will there is a way - don't give up.
Oh wow, this is such a tragic story. Icandothis gave you sound advice, I also think you need a good counseller. Your grief is complicated by the circumstances and of course you feel anger, on so many levels. Support sites like this can't take the place of a trained therapist but they can help you let go a bit while you get the right help. It's also ok to express your anger here - it's safer perhaps than venting at the kids which only makes you feel guilty & traps you in a vicious cycle. Keep posting and saying how you feel, no one will judge you here. Even if we don't have the experience of what you're going through, there are many wise souls here who will offer words of comfort. i hope you find the comfort you deserve and a way through this awful trauma.
Wow ... words can't express my sympathy for what you've had to endure. Not only the loss of a spouse but the financial burdens added for you to endure. Of course you're angry and you need to vent that and this is a great place in which to do so as Lilla said. Just because we love someone doesn't mean we're wrong to be angry with the things they put us through. Just dying and leaving us alone makes us angry, especially in your case. I've known some people with PTSD and you definitely need to seek help from a professional with special training in dealing with this unique type of grief. But also stay in touch with us here on this site. Just knowing others are grieving along with you for your loss helps even just a little.
Hugs and blessings to you!