grieving death of husband
my husband of 41 years passed away march 23rd. i have never felt so alone. i dont want to get dressed or go out unless i have too. how do i start? my husband was ill since 2002 with copd,so i quit my job to be with him. thats all i knew so where do i start? help me please !!!!
Oh my dear you start step by step. My husband was sick for a long time . My life revolved around his. I never had any time for anything and then all of a sudden all I had was time - tons and tons of empty time on my hands with nothing to do. I didn't want to do anything with the time either. Eating, getting dressed or cleaning the house were beyond me. What I did best was cry. I was very good at it.
A friend came by one day and was extremely upset to see what I was doing to myself. She came back with some of her famous chicken soup and a couple of trashy novels. Believe it or not both helped. The books enabled me to escape from my pain for a little while. In order to get more books (no computer at the time) I had to get dressed and go out. As long as I was out I would pick up a few things and then I'd have a little food in the house. The thing just kind of grew. My advise is this try to find something that is not harmful of course that will let you escape for a little bit from the pain and to fill up some of the emptiness. It might help.
Regardless it isn't easy. It just hurts so much.
After spending years taking care of my husband I find myself at a loss trying to figure out what I should do now. I feel like my purpose is gone. However I am not going to give up and you shouldn't either.
My very best to you - I will put you on my pray list.
How does a person go on after losing their spouse of 21 years, I have been a holding pattern and feel so lost. He was only 58, had surgery to repair a tendon in his shoulder and a week later I found him at home. He died alone and I can't get the vision out of my head. I feel I'm going crazy
Susie, My heart goes out to you and to all the ladies who have posted here. Reading your post and all of the others was like reading my own thoughts. Your situation is a bit different than mine. My husband of 38 years died suddenly from a brain hemorhage three years ago. I had to go back to work after a few weeks, but it was very difficult. During those first few weeks I didn't want to get dressed or go out. Just going to the grocery store made me cry. I just bought milk, cereal, yogurt, and eggs, just to have some food in the house. That way I could get out of the store quickly and go home. Even after returning to work, I worked a short day and couldn't wait to get home where I could cry in privacy. I still find it hard to be around people for more than a few hours at a time.
One thing that really helped me was attending a six week support group at Hospice. Being able to talk to other recent widows was good. The other thing was that we started doing things together, helping each other take baby steps back into life. It really took the strength and courage of those ladies to help me start to have some semblance of a life.
Even though my husband was not ill for a long time, my life still revolved around him. Our children are grown, and we thought we had some years left to enjoy our empty nest. I felt like I didn't know what to do next. I still don't know. I just get up every day and put one foot in front of the other.
Give yourself time to grieve. You will know when it's time to join the human race again. We are here whenever you need to talk.