How to move on ...
I dont know where to begin and before I start - I do realized that I am dumber than dumb. I am 47, single mother of two (16 and 18), I look good for my age and I am fit and in shape. He is 48. I met this guy almost 2 years ago online - everything was great, we hit it off, we went camping, hiking and lots of good times ... THEN, I find out about the ex-wife drama and that she has been alienating my BF from their son etc, the property distribution drama, so there's one stress factor there. THEN, 4 months after we met, he got laid off, still unemployed now and it has been almost 18 months unemployed and no more EDD. When he first got laid off, he moved closer to where I lived to save gas and rent (cheaper). I tried to be as supportive, no demands, bring him food, encouraged him, did his resume and letters. I stood by him all this time against advice from friends who kept telling me to move on. I have actually offered him to move in with me and my boys several times but he declined - claiming he does not want to be a burden. I respected that so I just tried to be supportive and be there for him.
We dated 22+ months and not once did he tell me he loves me nor I told him, I have asked but he always give me 'isnt action louder than words?'. I realized now we were both stupid and stubborn people and should have told the people we love that we love them so. Around summertime this year, he seemed critical of me, being sarcastic, need space etc. Then in September he said he needs alone time but wont tell me where he went ... when he came back, we had a big fight coz he promised to help me install my bamboo flooring but got upset over something then walked out in the middle of the project and then broke up with me. A few weeks later, I ran into him on the street (we lived 5 minutes away from each other). He wanted to talk but we ended up making love as we have strong feelings and attraction of each other. Then by mid-November, he just left town, saying he gave up his apartment and living in his truck.
We kept in touch via email/gchat etc ... UNTIL a few weeks ago, I was so bored, I was playing around on the Google Plus and clicked his profile - he had one friend in his circle and it was a Thai woman. My heart stopped, I felt like throwing up. I stopped responding to him but he kept sending me 'how are you and are you well?' bullcrap. So I finally told him about her ... he called me right away, apologizing for hurting me. He came in person to talk to me which we talked for 6 hours and admitted to me that they love each other BUT he loves me, too. The more I find out details, the more hurt I am ... I cried and very lightly slapped him but afterwards ... stupidly, I slept with him. I have fighting internal demons, I love him but never told him so coz I was waiting for him to tell me and in the meantime, some young Thai chick (she's 10 years younger than us) got my guy. I love him and yet I hate him. I feel cheated ... I deleted his phone number, his yahoo email, his gmail, all photos of us/him from my work and home computer. But I have not been able to sleep the last 2 weeks, so in the middle of the night, I would send him nasty emails, then it will start a whole new contact back/forth. I feel drained and very very hurt - I guess he never really truly loved me since he was not able to say so but two months with this person, he can freely tell her he loves her.
Bottomline is ... I am having a hard time getting past this, letting go, moving on and hate myself for even entertaining him. He is leaving town tomorrow to live with his brother until he finds a job. The new GF (who lives in Thailand) does not know anything about me, he flew to Thailand in September and November to meet her even though he is jobless, homeless and broke and now in debt. my girlfriend hates what he did and doing to me and wants to email the new GF to tell her that her BF is a liar and a cheater coz he still wants me. What good would that do? Even though I call her the dumb f..ck, she is the innocent party in all this.
Any insight other than telling me how stupid I am, I KNOW
Hi, I understand that you don't want your sons involve, as long as they love you and want to see you happy then that's all that matters =] Netflix has taken up a lot of my time with movies too haha, all the romance movies about cheating and breaking up to find someone new helps. I have been in situations like that where friends ask me where's your bf, and I just can't bring myself to say 'oh he's with this other guy right now' so I just say, "what bf?" I guess sometimes I had to tell myself, he's not my problem now, I'm free.
The heart can be so cruel sometimes, and yea it helps to get strangers' perspectives. I bitch and moan to a lot of my close friends but it's not the same as listening to a someone on the outside. But yea, tell your best friends, tell the people around you, they're there to help you move on from this guy. =]
I also need to learn how to let go emotionally. It sounds fairly easy, and I am smart enough to know that time will heel me and make me feel better, but I can relate to how hard it is, because what are you supposed to do minute to minute when you are sitting there shaking? Sounds like you are doing the right things by keeping busy, and I am proud of you for being able to do that. You will be better off in the long run. Just stay strong and remind yourself that you will feel better!
Needswork: Yes, I used to wonder why people get so emotional with these things. We sit there judging them and telling them to move on but it is hard. I used to tell myself I don't need a man to complete me but now I am having a hard time going forward - I feel lost. You end up questioning your self worth over someone who does not deserve you and thinking all the could have/should have etc.
P was in town for a job interview two nights ago. He took me to dinner and we talked for a long long time. We then went to Safeway (opens 24 hours), ate ice cream and talked til 1:30 a.m. He rented a trailer yesterday, got all his stuff from storage and left for Arizona.
I questioned myself if I am just too nice/compassionate or just plain stupid. These 10 days have been draining. I was soooo mad, I screamed at him, I called him all sorts of name, I cursed at him, I lightly slapped him ... but now that I have calmed down, my anger at him seemed to have gone away and I am more angry at myself for not staying angry at him and still loves him.
Although P and I have great passion for each other, I am not the type who is all over him or showering him with kisses all the time. I am a bit more reserve, maybe a little too proud but I am who I am and yes, happy with who I am.
He actually now told me he knew Thai Girl (online only) for over 2 years, before she moved back to Bangkok, she used to live in Massachusetts (a nurse). They maintained this online friendship but never thought to meet but since my relationship with P has been stressful the last 6 months, mostly due to the fact that he is jobless - she invited him to visit. SOOOOO, warning to people out there, if your bf/gf has online chat buddies, BEWARE! She apparently is very very very affectionate/emotional, jumps all over him and told him she loves him on his second visit to her. Already claiming him as her bf one week after they met. Booked a weekend getaway at some secluded resort a few days after he arrived - I guess SHE courted him. She is however, very insecure as she gets into this jealous thing even when P is just talking to random girl that they were sharing a table with at some restaurant, would cry blah blah then would get all lovey dovey. She does not know he has been jobless almost two years. I asked P to get himself checked and to send me the results, it's the least he can do to give me some peace of mind. He said he will.
Anyways, it's Sunday ... time to GET Up, GET Dressed, GET Going!!! You all have a wonderful week ahead and Happy Happy New Year.
Thank you so much for listening.