With a man I don't trust
I have been with my man for a over a year now and we have engaged since september. During our relationship I knew that he has been attracted to lots of girls, and that he had lots of girl "friends". He made me feel that I was crazy and insecure about myself. I was tired of feeling this way so I broke into his email account. I found loads of emails with attached pictures of womans ass, vagina, and videos. He has saved these emails for over 6 months and they were from many different woman. He even tried to create a 'meeting' with a prostitute. There was one girl that has been sending him pictures for over 3 months and he also had her phone number. He told these girls that we had called off the engagement. I have supported him and his daughter while he was unemployeed for 8 months of our relationship. I have always known that he loved porn and that he jacked off almost every night. I would give him all the sex he needed but I feel like nothing I did was good enough. When I confronted him he continued to lie to me when I had the proof in front of me. I want things to work out and he gave me a bunch of promises that I'm hoping he comes through with. I have tried not to hold too much over his head but this is really affecting me.
He has tried to convince me that there was nothing that I did or didn't do to cause this, and that he didn't have any physical interaction with these girls. I believe that he hasn't actually has sex with them but I don't believe that he felt bad during the action of jacking off to them or creating the relationships. Should I give him a chance he claims he has a sexual addiction and that he has worked very hard on it and that he used to always have sex withother woman when he was in a relationship but he hasnt done that to me. I am the only girl he hasn't "physically" cheated on.
The reason he does not want tot talk about it is because frankly it is shameful. I know I have been there and to live with the shame is sometimes easier when living in denial. However, the problem never goes away because it is not met with the truth. Trying to get close to God outside of getting close to God's people is also difficult for the addict. We were made in God's image and with that comes relationship. There are churches all over the place that have support groups for people with sexual addiction. I went for 3 yrs. non stop and the Lord changed my life. I no longer struggle with my porn addiction. I still have to battle everyday because of the lust that is within everyone one of us. But, there is freedom from this. Hold your ground and be honest about your feelings and how it hurts you. We men are good at playing like everything is ok when we have not done any real work to change. Just saying I have changed doesn't cut it. He needs to get with some other men that can help him. That's God's way...Steve
I married a man who also had sexual addiction. The signs were there in the beginning but I turned a blind eye. He did this througout our marriage. He also made it to be somewhat my fault - saying I was insecure and it drove him to talking to other women. Trust me - he probably will cross the line from fantasy in what he does on the internet to meeting them in person if he hasn't already. Men who have sexual addiction also have very low self esteem, they knock you down to build themselves up. It's time to walk away. I know it's easier said than done but why waste years of your life? He first needs to admit he has a problem then get help. If he doesn't - don't go down that road. It only gets worse. I've lived it and it is very painful. Sounds like he is in denial. Sexual addition is very hard to deal with and very hard for people who suffer from it to be cured.
Please listen to Zee65. I have been married to a sexual addict for over 25 years. I have been told it is because he is no longer attracted to me, that I have "hang ups" and that he isn't happy that have been the excuses for his philandering in the past. Trust your instincts to not get married until he has gotten help for this addiction. Otherwise this man will never be faithful to you. Take if from someone who knows...