Am I Crazy or Did He Cheat?
My husband flew back to his hometown to attend his niece's wedding. We couldn't afford to both go. I knew he had a lot of ex's there, and due to him cheating 2 years prior with countless women I decided to track his cell phone. Keep in mind this cell phone is in my name, not his, so this is perfectly legal.
First thing he does when he lands is text a friend for "Maria's phone number". From that day forward he texted and called her repeatedly and rarely anyone else including myself. I could only view text messages and phone calls made to whom and for how many minutes, but not the actual phone conversations themselves. The messages were not sexting, but more like two really close friends catching up. The second day he went to her work to hang out with her on break and they made plans to party together that night and the next night. I read this all through texts.
Now every time we did talk I would ask if he was able to get a hold of any old friends yet or has he seen any old friends yet and he would always reply no. I would ask him what his plans were and he wouldn't mention plans that I saw through the texts, but completely different ones that involved just his family.
Now we already had established rules due to his past cheating discovery: No more hanging out, conversating, or keeping in touch with with past ex's/interests/flings in any way & no more lying/sneaking around.
The 2nd night of hanging out for them was canceled by her, but they got together the 3rd night.
The next morning I heard nothing from him as he was past out drunk. I got a call from him in the early afternoon and he told me: He never wanted to return to his hometown again. He said people there were dirty. That he never wanted to be apart from me again. That 5 days away from me was a bad choice.
All that day he continued to text me loving things, even though the previous days he hardly contacted me at all. Now at this point I didn't reveal anything, because I was trying to get more proof between the two of their texts before I crushed his heart.
He didn't text/call her the rest of that day even though he had constantly texted/called her over a hundred times the three days prior to point of being a stalker. Finally she texted him "sup" and he said "nothing. Sup". She said "Bored". He said "Fun. I feel sick, weeeee." She said "Ahhh". Then there were no more convos.
I told him the next day because I felt like I had nothing else to go on and I didn't want him to come home. I lied to him though, in order to get revenge and hopefully some more info. I told him that she felt guilty and told me everything and forwarded all of the two of their texts to me as proof that they had been hanging out. He said that they had done nothing unless Maria told what they did in the past, which was her making out with him and jerking him off a couple of times right before he met me. I guess I wanted him to hurt her and land in jail for it. At that point I really didn't care what happened to either one of them as I felt such intense hatred. He started texting her after I told her and I watched their back and forth conversation:
Him: I don't know what you told my wife but now I'm homeless.
Her: I told her nothing. I've never spoken with her.
Him: Well she says you did. She says you forwarded our texts. Nothing was bad that I know of but it still doesn't help. Someone who had access to your phone did this.
Her: I will send you screenshots. I sent nothing!
Him: I believe you, but she's convinced. Can you contact her and let her know what we did last night? I told her we went to Gregs, then Dennys, then you dropped me off.
Her: Okay. I'm so confused. I could have done this in theory had I saved our messages, but I didn't. Those messages are non-existent.
Him: I bet Greg had something to do with telling her. I'm going to kill him.
At this point I thought he was going to hurt his friend Greg whom I've met before and got worried so I called him and told him the truth. He then called her to tell her what I did so she didn't have to wonder, and that's the last they've talked to one another.
He talked me into picking him up from the airport to talk, and he agreed to get a hotel room. As soon as I picked him up I floored it, swerved in and out of traffic, and screamed "YOU FUCKED HER!" over and over again. This was not planned. Something took me over. I was surprised we weren't pulled over. I got him to his hotel, and by this time he had pissed his pants. I was about to take off but surprisingly he insisted that I stay and talk about what happened, so I did. He admitted nothing, saying that he thought he had told me about her during our conversations.
I allowed him to go on our planned family trip the next day. That night in our cabin room during sex, he stops and says "This feels like home". Then after sex he told me to check his baggage and clothes if I wanted, and said he was "covering his tracks". Then after that we talked and he acted like he was going to be more open and honest with me, and finally told me how he wasn't attracted to me physically but to the awesome person inside. He was just trying to make my low self-esteem lower. He has never talked like that to me before or since, and has always told me that I'm the most attractive woman he has ever been with, so not sure if he was telling the truth or just trying to hurt me more or both.
Once we got back home he got the couch for a week with him knowing that he would end up at his sisters place soon. During this time I was trying to get people to move in with me and help me with the bills due to divorce, but no one would or could. I felt screwed, so I let him stay.
We are in marriage counseling right now, but with no progress from him. He won't admit to cheating with Maria or with the other women (and there was more proof with those that I found out all at once but I won't get into that). He tells me to write him a script of what I would like him to say and he would to keep the marriage. Anyway unless he's willing to admit to all of his affairs and work on why it happened and blah blah blah, I'm using his sorry ass until I can figure something out.
I work F/T and go to school F/T and raise 5 kids so it's not like I'm not doing anything. Once I figure it out I'll divorce. BTW she's married with one kid. She jerked him off and made out with him right before he met me while she was still married with a kid, so she doesn't respect marriage.
I still have love in my hate-filled heart for him, and if he would just take this seriously and admit everything so that we can work on why and how it happened etc. and how to prevent it from happening again, and work on healing, there could be a chance, but he refuses. He's digging his own grave. I live a lie and a sham marriage. I tell him I love him every day.
In your opinion did he cheat or am I jumping to conclusions?
varde - the best revenge is to live happy & well, please dont waste anymore time trying to catch suspicious activity, as mentioned DO get some ducks in a row (so to speak) setup an appt. w/an attorney, first visit is free, just to research some useful information & empower yourself, then research other housing online, just to get info on costs necessary incase you decide to leave quicker then first thought, next open a safety deposit box in your name only & stash some cash to utilize, hopefully your somewhat financially independent from him to move forward if necessary.
DO NOT fall into the parental role trap, as mentioned this will only create more deception & resentment from him.....what we fear, we create......go empower yourself, your family needs YOU!
Thank you everyone for your support. It's nice to have people who understand. I just signed up for volunteer work at a government agency that I wish to work for after college. They are excited to have me seeing as how I'm going for a Public Administration degree. I sent the completed paperwork and will be starting training soon. This is exciting for me, because I can get the work experience while I'm attending college. It's certainly helping my self-esteem and is a step in the right direction for securing my family's future, which is something I'm working on so I don't have to depend on my husband's help. In the meantime I'm still keeping my current job, and will be on the lookout for a better one. I haven't worn my wedding ring and have had some of the talk with my husband. I'm trying not to dump too much on him at once as I can't personally handle too much drama at once, but I give him a little more information each day as to what I want and what I'm doing to preserve my own sanity and well-being through this crisis. I could leave him immediately, yes, but I feel that my situation is far too complicated to do that right now.
Step by step huh & in your own time.
Enjoy your new experiences.