fear of not being able to move ??
the last year I have developed anxiety attacks real bad when I cannot move due to pain. the anxiety is worse than the pain for death would be welcomed when this happens.
I struggle alot with pain and sometimes the spazzimes are so bad I am paralyzed for a period of time and unable to move an inch. when I am lying down it is even worse for the fear is simply undeiscrible. I have talked to my therapist about this but I am realizing how bad it is becoming.
I told myhusband I fear being paralsed from the neck down and I do not feel I could handle being in the body that cannot move. I do not want to be on life support machines if need be.
i know it has to do with being forced held down so many years and raped and sexually forced to submit. I get this part . I can't express my worst fear of being confinded physically from my own body but I also know this should in reality never happen but i still fear it all the same.
fearing the past I get it but I am not one to fear normally the future, normally I try to just accept what will be will be these days and handle one day at a time.
does any one have a fear like this and if so . what tools have you used to over come it. having had to go into MRI machines lately did not help jus tmade things worse. LOL. that was hillarous for those watching me after I was like a drunk for hours unable to walk, couldn;t stop vibrating for hours. for me it was not so fun
any suggestions and testimonies how you deal will be welcomed. I just want to learn to deal better than i am presently
As you probably know, any type of trauma (and sexual abuse is certainly traumatic) results in Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (P.T.S.D.), which is an anxiety disorder. As you work through and deal with the trauma, the anxiety will get worse. That's just the way these things work. You have to get worse before you can get better. And part of the working through process involves memories and flashbacks to the traumatic event, which is why you are having the concerns about being paralyzed. (You already figured this part out). I don't know that there is anything you can do to stop this reliving of the trauma, but there are certain things that can be done to help you with the symptoms you are experiencing.
I don't know your therapist, so I don't know his or her qualifications. But if they do hypnosis or E.M.D.R., either would work wonders with your anxiety attacks. Another option is to talk with your personal physician and see if he or she will give you some mild anti-anxiety medication to help you get through all of this.
As far as you, personally, are concerned, probably the best suggestion I would have for you is to create what they call an "anchor". This is something from the present moment, the here on now, that has some special meaning to you. It should be something small that you can carry with you at all times. I use a small medallion that I received when I finished the treatment program for my sexual abuse. I carry it with me in my pocket at all times. When I'm triggered back into the old abuse stuff, I grab hold of that medallion and it reminds me that what I'm going through is only a memory. It also reminds me that this is the present moment, the here and now, not the times when I was being abused. So those would be my suggestions. I hope something here helps. Good luck.
thanks charlie. I have been trying the anchors. while in the MIR I said the lords prayer over an dover and over that is how i made it through. the second one I was sent into alarger machine and the guy talked to me non stop about what he was doing and i kept my eyes shut as he recommeneded and it helped some.
I would love to do the EMDR but it is very costly here and I do not have the money. I tried with one through the free system (not many in there do it) but she left me in those horrid memories to go home. I became so suicdal I had to quit because my chidlren did not need a dead mom. she was only spending many be half an hour on the MDR too and I learnt that was not enough time to go in and out safely. my friends whom get it take two hours each time. I felt like a a quick fix expectation was demanded of me. slam bam your thorugh you there for are healed. LOL
I have treid many of the techneques I have learnt. objects. smell, touch, bu thtey seem to be escaping their usual helpfulness.
I know my memories are surfacing real bad this year as I deal . I understand mental things will get worse what I do not seem to absorb is how to deal this time as I go. seems the flashbacks are me (accidents, beatings , rapes multiple abuse), my sister (whom I care for) and both my chidlren now too. they get so inter mixed at times and I am the one that needs to be ther for all of us (I am the mom and care giver) my hubby is awesome and supportive and I am so thankful. I started volunteering and working part time to keep busy in mind. not sure I am doing the right thing though.
I am not young any more and it is very frustrating still being so ill both mentally and physically. I have started to address the fact that I have had over 20 serious concussions that maybe not all my depression is from the past but from the head injuries. I am rambling and all over the matt but that is how I am dealing all over the place these days.
part of me wants to say STOP I do not have time to get worse any more. LOL I know that is not practical but I am tired and in alot o f pain these days.
my daughter always says she wants money health and happiness. ya need the money to get the health and then you can enjoy happiness. to often money prevents doors from opening.
question do you feel like you have ever felt healed or do you feel it is an ongoing process through out our lives charlie?
thanks again dare
Let me answer your question first. I do believe I've now healed from the original trauma, but there are still many residuals left from the crazy, dysfunctional family that I was a part of as a child. What I'm saying is that the trauma has been taken care of and dealt with, but because of my crazy family, I missed a lot of "life lessons" that most children learn as they are growing up. And so, in some ways, I am still a very young child learning what is appropriate behavior in certain situations. This is especially true in the sexual area since I certainly had no model for healthy sexual behavior in my childhood.
I also believe that the healing process goes on throughout your entire life, it never ends. But at some point along the way, its focus changes and the work you do is more about personal growth and development than what you think of as recovery right now. It changes from being about mere survival to self actualization, and this part of the process I find very exciting and challenging.
I wish I had an answer to the cost of medical care and the insurance industry, but unfortunately, I don't think a solution exists other than you paying an arm and a leg for coverage, only to have a lot of your claims denied because the treatment isn't covered under your policy, or the given therapist isn't on the insurance company's provider list. What a racket. But I do have one idea you might want to consider.
Now I don't know where you live, and I don't know what the situation is like there. And quite frankly, it's none of my business. But there is a type of medical professional called an Osteopathic Physician, a D.O. (Doctor of Osteopathy) who has all of the same training as a traditional M.D., plus a lot of additional training that's similar to what a chiropractor goes through. They can do spinal manipulations that are similar to chiropractic adjustments, and these manipulations will often release energy that your body has been holding for years, energy that is often the cause of some of the medical problems you've been experiencing.
You see, your body is a huge intuitive mechanism. Every feeling or emotion you suppress is held in your body somewhere, and these feelings and emotions can cause all kinds of aches, pains, and ailments. Things like back pain, migraines, arthritis, fibromyalgia, digestive problems, gynecological problems, etc. can all be caused by these pent up feelings and emotions. What I'm thinking is that if you went to an osteopath for a few spinal manipulations, some of your medical concerns might ease up a bit making it easier for you to deal with your abuse issues. Just a thought.
Now there may not be any osteopaths where you live. I can only go by how things are in St. Louis where I am, and we have them coming out our ears. As a matter of fact, we have an entire hospital with close to 1,000 beds that is all staffed by osteopathic physicians. These folks deliver babies, perform surgery, prescribe medication, etc. They are no different than the traditional M.D. other than the additional training they've received. And someone like this your insurance will probably cover where a chiropractor might cause problems for you as far as getting your claim paid goes.
If you'd like to do some reading related to what I'm talking about here, I guess a good place to start would be with a book titled, "Energy Medicine: Balancing Your Body's Energies for Optimal Health, Joy, and Vitality", by Donna Eden and David Feinstein. The book can be purchased from: www.amazon.com.
Incidentally, another way in which you can straighten out your body's energies and release those unwanted feelings and emotions at the same time is through acupuncture, but finding someone licensed as an Oriental Medical Doctor (O.M.D) might be difficult since there aren't that many of them in the U.S. Your insurance company would be more likely to pay for the services of an O.M.D. than simply an acupuncturist or a chiropractor. These guys and gals are much more likely to be found in large urban areas as part of University medical centers. Some of them actually use the acupuncture on women in labor. These ladies are able to deliver their babies with no pain, and no pain medication, which is much better for the babies. Anyway, just a couple of ideas for you. Hope something here helps.