Herpes and afraid to date

[40]

I am 50 yrs. old and have had h for approx. 9 yrs. I met a man who had h. He told me before we took our relationship further. I didn't have it at that time, and I have to say, I was taken aback when he told me. I struggled with the idea, and I talked to my Dr. about it. She said that I had a decision to make. I made the decision to stay with him because I was in love. We were together for 8 years, married for 4. I figured that we would use protection but we didn't always. I also thought, that if he wasn't having a breakout, it would be fine. I was wrong, however. I learned that, even though you are not having symptoms, you can still spread it. Anyway, I married him and took the risk. Of course, he left me 2 years ago. Now I'm single again and have h. I keep struggling with 2 issues. The first: I am scared to death to date. When people ask me out, I say "no" just about all of the time. I did tell 1 guy, who wanted to be intimate, and we didn't see each other again. We are still friends though. The second issue: I know there could be someone who will accept me because I accepted someone who had it. I cannot be the only one, yes? I know that the women he infected were married later. I guess that, although it's not a lost cause, I'm still struggling with it all.

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[40]
Jun 21

Hi Everyone,

Just an update. I told the guy that I have been dating that I have herpes and he took it very well. He was a little surprised by the revelation at first. However, he still wants to date me, even after I told him. So, things are going fine so far. I just wanted to let people know that it IS possible to find someone that will accept you. Just remember, that when you are dating, don't tell them right off the bat. Get to know them first ( no sex) and see if you like each other. I didn't want to give him my medical resume until I was sure he was interested. When I felt that the relationship when heading towards a sexual relationship, I told him. I wanted him to be able to make an informed decision before sleeping with me. He thanked me for telling him, twice. We haven't slept together yet. Personally, I wanted to really know him before we did. Also, even though you have herpes, you never know if he/she has something they need to tell YOU. My guy had a previous girlfriend who has herpes. He may have been exposed but he has never and any symptoms and he tested negative. Of course, not all tests are reliable so...Anyway, be brave and proactive. Go out there and meet people. Is not always going to be easy, but don't give up - people will surprise you.

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CKarma's picture
[172555]
Jun 21

I am so happy for you that all is going so well, you dealt with this sticky situation like a champ, amazing job! It sounds like you are dating someone that is really amazing and cares about you and for that I am so glad, everyone deserves to be loved and treated well.

Hugs-
CK

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lostphoenix's picture
[585]
Jun 21

i see ur issues and i wish u the best of luck. i understand the hesitation with dating and putting urself at risk to have ur heart hurt. but to find that relationship u must allow opportunity to present itself and u must take opportunity when it arrives. that is the only way to find love and risk of being hurt is always present. don't give up good people and understanding people and open minded people are out there u jus got to be open too.

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