My son is a heroin addict
My 23 year old son, Sean, is a heroin addict. He has been using heroin at least a year and a half. Apparently it started while he was away at school in Wyoming. He is living at home with my husband, myself and two other boys - one older and one younger than him. He has lost the trust and affection of his brothers - they have both had money go missing from their rooms. When I asked Sean if he took the money he looks right in my eye and says "no". He has had two DUIs over the last five years. He has lost his license. He has a car that is just sitting on our property. Two weeks ago he overheard me yelling at my husband that I was done with Seans behavior and I wanted him out of the house. I was angry and frustrated and also we thought we were alone. My son was standing outside the house listening. Long story I know... My son got his feelings hurt and left in the car he wasn't supposed to be driving. He has no license, the car was not registered, no insurance and no ignition interlock. He bounced around for a week before the cops caught him. My husband bailed him out that night so he wouldn't lose his job. He hardly speaks to me and quite honestly I don't really know what to say to him. I gave him an ultimatum. He has to go for an evaluation this Monday at a rehab center or he leaves. He has no money(he owes us close to 10000 and needs to pay a school loan that will break me if I have to pay it) He claims to have made the appt. for the evaluation and my husband is supposed to take Monday off so he can get him to the clinic. I have serious doubts that he has an appt. I have to tell him to leave if he doesn't go. I actually found heroin in my living room on Sunday and challenged him on it. He didn't react when I told him I found it and it was in my pocket. I flushed it shortly after.
I have had to have two heart tests over the past two days because of chest pain that I have had for the past week and a half. Next week I have another test. My son has broken me. The drug scene is totally foreign to me. The only thing I know anything about it pot and that isn't much. I went thru blaming myself for his drinking(I drank a bit on weekends and my son did see me drunk) I quit drinking four years ago because I didn't like how even one drink made me feel. But the reality is that I didn't put the glass to his lips and tell him to drink.
I keep hoping that my son will see sense and get help. My husband and I have told him we will stand by him if he gets help. I have told him he needs to leave if he doesn't. The week he was gone was so incredibly hard - every time the phone rang I got a sick feeling that it was the cops telling me my son was dead or had hurt someone. It was almost a relief when he did get picked up. He hasn't received his court date for the last offense but I fear they are going to throw the book at him. He has violated probation in three different courts.
I am finally coming to terms with the fact that my son is sick and needs help but how do I get him to get that help. How the hell does this happen?? I feel so totally lost most of the time and I don't have the support of my husband(yes he is Seans dad). He gives in to Sean and plays the appeaser and peacemaker. My 26 year marriage is on the rocks.
Anyhow, any comments would be appreciated. I know that thousands of families are ripped up over drugs and my situation is not really that unique but I feel so totally alone right now.
simonew- Good for you for putting your 11 year old son's well-being ahead of yours or his fathers. So many children are sacrificed to the addiction altar, and it is refreshing to hear from a mom put her kid first, instead of the addict.
My niece is 18 and is an addict. She went to rehab about a year or so ago and we thought she was clean. She just informed her mother 2 weeks ago that she had used a couple of times. The truth came out a few days ago that she has been using steadily because she didn't have any money and went through withdrawals. She went through 2 days of withdrawals before using again. My sister doesn't know what to do....her daughter is living with her, plus her 13 year old daughter and 12 year old son. She is currently recovering from back surgery and she hasn't been able to get her blood pressure to stay at healthy levels. She knows if her husband knew that her daughter was using again, he would kick her out. She feels her daughter has no where to go and is lost as to what to do. I wish I could help both of them. I don't know what to tell my sis other than she can't enable her daughter...but how does a mother handle kicking their daughter out? Is there any other option if they won't go to rehab and if they don't want to quit?
You probably already know the answer... the 18 year old needs to leave the home. Providing shelter for a practicing addict is the very definition of enabling. Your sister is the one who needs to come to that realization, and if she does, her kid has a greater chance of finding a reason to quit using. Your sister's husband is on the right track, and hopefully he'll follow through. It's unkind to enable an addict.