Will I'm back....I had a couple of good weeks, but then I get a call from my abusive father. He leaves a voicemail message asking me for money.
Now I'm back to where I had left off. My chest pain is back b/c my anxiety is back. I'm stressed and worried about what will happen to my mom.
But this has happened in the past. I gave him a lot of money two years ago b/c I thought they might not be able to pay rent and stay in the nice retirement apartments that they live in. I never asked him to repay me, but maybe b/c I knew he never would.
Since I can remember my father has borrowed money from everyone. His mother, family members and even neighbors he didn't even talk to. He is use to people falling for his sob stories and lies. Everyone has always given him money knowing that he won't pay them back. He owes people money for years and his so in debt with credit cards I don't even want to know how much. He lives pay check to pay check. He has never had a backup plan, medical insurance, or retirement.
I always thank God for being healthy and safe. I remember that I only went to the dentist once and that was when my aunt took me, unless I would have never gone. Its sad that he never really cared about me and he never calls unless he needs something from me. I am so angry to know that. But I have to move on and realize that his not worth my time. If I could, I would shut him out completely and never talk to him again, but my mom still with him, still suffering his abuse. It really worries me to know she has to deal with his shit day in day out. It really affects her health. She's in her 60s and she doesn't need the stress he puts her in. I tried in the past to open my home to her, but it was too hard. She was already brainwash by him to the point where she was verbally abusive to me. I couldn't take it. I tried too hard and my marriage was being affected. I couldn't lose the only person who truly cares for me. So she went back to him and now he has financial issues like he always has. My mom doesn't want me to worry or give him money, but that is easier said then done.
I'm stuck in the middle I don't know what to do. I don't want to keep helping him b/c I know he will take advantage of me like he has done to others in the past. Even his own mother, he treated her so badly. He was very verbally abusive to her and he would take her money, the only little bit she had from social security. It made me so upset to witness this when I was younger. I have so many bad memories of all the things he has done to everyone around him that it makes me sick. He has even stolen money from my mother. He forged a check and took the money my mom had that she was saving for me to be able to get braces. It hurt so bad to see her cry and not be able to do anything about it. I was young at the time and I felt so helpless. But I'm an adult now. I don't have to take his shit anymore. He won't treat me like he has everyone else. I won't let him.
But what can I do to help my mother? She can't live with me, she refuses a ticket to go back to her country. I won't help him financially so what can I do?
Please help! any advice is welcome.
Thanks for listening
Say a prayer for her everyday. He will not change, it is very sad. Maybe, try to help her (monetarily) little by little. Take care of yourself and your family. God bless you.