I am engaged to a wonderful, amazing man! He is my world, and I would do anything for him. Right now, we live a couple blocks away from his dad and step-mom (who he's not very close to) and about an hour away from my mom and dad (who I'm VERY close to). His mom (who he's very close to) and her boyfriend, live about 11 hours away. They have 5 acres of land just outside of a large city. They have invited us to move onto their land. We would stay in their house until we could get a trailer, and then we'd live as neighbors. They are really great people, and have already done so much for us. They've bought us a lot of things we couldn't afford to get for ourselves, they spoil the crap out of his son, and they are both retired, so they are available just about any time. They said, if we move there, they will not interfere with our privacy, they will always call before coming over, and will let us live our lives as we want to. His mom's boyfriend said he can get my fiance a really good job where he works, where he wouldn't have to travel (which he does now) and he'd be getting paid more. They said they will pay for his son to go to a private school, or get home tutoring, or whatever we feel he needs. They would be there to babysit any time we wanted to go out, or just have a night alone. He and I are planned on having more kids, and they said they would gladly watch the kids while we had to be at work. Everything about this situation seems completely ideal. Of all our parents, they are best equipped to help us out with our kids, and to help us get a start in life. Everything we might need would be a maximum of an hour and a half away. We both want to live in the country. His mom and I get along wonderfully, better than I ever could have hoped. The only thing that's hanging me up, is being that far away from my mom. I have never lived more than a two hour drive from my mom. We are very much attached at the hip. I cannot imagine living THAT far from her. But, I do realize that my mom, while she will be absolutely thrilled to be a grandma, will not have time or resources to help out much. My family is financially strained at best, whereas his is much more comfortable. Both my parents work full time jobs, and are not available to babysit, or help out, near as much as they'd like to be. None the less, I can't help feeling that it is almost mean to move that far away from my mom right as I'm finally giving her the grandbaby's she's been asking for, for so long. I do realize that I have to make this decision based on what's best for me, and my new family, though. There are so many pro's to the move, and the only con's are being so far from my mom, and the hour and a half drive to get to the nearest church of my faith. That's it. No other con's that I can think of. So it would seem the decision is practically making itself. It's just that I'm having SUCH a hard time, letting go of my mom, and living close enough to visit every other weekend. It would be a really, really, really hard thing for me to do. So I haven't given my fiance the "go ahead" for making plans. I haven't even TOLD my mom what we are considering. I guess I'm just scared of the unknown.
It's gotten even better! His mom's boyfriend knows how to build houses, and he said if we buy the cheapest, run down modular or mobile home we can find, he will help us gut it out, and rebuild it to our specifications. So basically, all we have to do is find one big enough, and put the walls and rooms wherever we want them. I'm 90% sure this is going to happen.
Well, I've made up my mind. The thing that really did it was when we asked his son what he would think of moving back to where his "Nana" lives. My fiance and his son lived with her before they moved here, to live with his father, which was when he met me. Here's how the conversation went:
Me: Rusty, would you want to move back to Nana's house?
Rusty, looking very excited: I'll go pack my stuff!
Me: Not right now! I'm just asking if you would want to.
Rusty: Yes, I want to leave here.
Me: Aww, that breaks my heart. (because "here" is home to me.)
Rusty, suddenly looking worried: You would come with us?
Me: Yes, of course! I wouldn't let you leave me.
Rusty, looking relieved: I will never leave you, Kiki.
Me: But you do understand that Grandma and Grandpa wouldn't come? And Nina and Papa Rick wouldn't come? And aunt courtney and Elijah wouldn't come?
Rusty: Yes. I go with you and my father.
Me: But why do you want to leave here?
Rusty: Because! I go live with my Nana! Can we go tomorrow?
Me: Not until school gets out for the summer.
Rusty, turning to his dad: I love that woman.
Too cute! Well, after seeing how excited that made him, and already knowing all the "pro's" of the move, I can't keep clinging to my own fears. I know that whatever happens, as long as I'm with Russ and Rusty, I will be ok.
I am glad to hear you are more comfortable with confirming your decision. I think you have made the right choice. You are becoming part of a ready made family. You have to put what is best for that family first. Another thing, I have helped raise six step-children. I have seen how my family treats my kids compared to my brother's and sister's kids. It is very difficult for the rest of my family to treat those children as if they are my own. I think the decision you made will work best for everyone involved. I hope your mom will understand and only want the best for you. You are only a phone call away if she needs you. And if your mom really needs you for longer than a weekend, I am sure arrangements can be made for you to be where you need to be; with your mom :)))