letting it out
hi, i'm 19 years old and I have 4 older siblings which we are apart by 12 to 17 years. we don't have many conversations and i'm only closer to my sister that i'm 12 years apart. since she is the one that I grew up with the most. However I do not tell my family about my problems because they will tell other people in the family since my family love to spread rumors and gossip. My father hardly speaks to me because he is very quiet but that is his personality and my mother thinks that she is always right and never wrong which is why our conversation is bad. I have many problems: emotional, bully, self-esteem, school, depression, family issues, boyfriend issues, and friends. most of these problems i have dealt with by myself and two with friends. three days before Christmas my sister that is very close to me told me a lot of hurtful things and what my siblings thought. She had told me that they did not like how I dressed and acted. that she did not like the way I laughed or talked with others. that I needed to socialize which I think she is right on that part but it is hard because of my problems.That I needed to stop being a kid and be an adult like them but I am a kid at heart and a young adult on the outside. she also said that I needed to be different with my boyfriend and not to be shy anymore when i'm no longer shy. she has always been a nice person and my siblings too but with this I was just hurt and felt like I was stabbed again. I have been hurt since childhood and I never healed.With this my heart shattered and turn into pieces because even though I was hurt in the past I had my family to support and with that I was happy. I no longer feel that I have my family support, trust, and love. I am very depressed and I no longer have a reason to live. I don't know what to do or how to go through this. I don't have anybody I can ask for advice anymore and i'm at my limit. someone please help me and if you can give me advise.
Most of the time, family means well, unfortunately, they do not express them self well, meaning that they have no filter. You have to be who you are and they have to accept that. It is hurtful, but this is the time for you to get stronger and defend yourself when it is needed. Life can be hard, you have to stand up for yourself. Do not give up, it is a learning process, some of us went through the same problems. As life goes on, we learn how to deal with the family, friends and other people. You are never alone, God is always with you. Have faith and God bless you always.
Poor thing. I'm sorry you have to go through this, I know it's hard. I'd recommend a counselor definitely because they can really help you open up about your past, why you hurt, etc. I actually have two and it's going really good. You are you, whether your family approves or not. You're beautiful smart and lost. It's fine though because we all go through things like this in our lifetime. Open up to your family honey because you have to deal with them for the rest of your life, tell them how you feel and how their words really hurt you. It's all about loving yourself though so get to that counselor/therapists and start talking. Don't think about giving up, it is not your time to go. Just be who you want to be and god will do the rest.
@ allnaturalll your right I have to tell them how I feel and tell them that I want their love and support. @ marcie i'm not good dealing with people but I will be strong and face these problems because god puts us through problems for a reason even though it is very hard. Thanks for your advice and support:). I really appreciate it and I will try to talk with my family even though it wont be easy at all.