My adult daughter verbally abuses me.
I have been verbally abused for most of my life. First by my father, now by my 40 year old daughter. I'm afraid to be in the same room with her because I never know what I might say or do to set her off. We can go for a few months getting along ok (that means me constantly walking on eggshells), then I will say or do something to make her explode on me. I also have been suffering from chronic pain for the past 10 years (neck, shoulders).
My husband is supportive of me, but refuses to stand up to our daughter - she has never said an unkind word to him. I have a loving relationship with my son, and my daughter-in-law adores me. I also have loving relationships with my grandchildren. I'm ready to give up on a relationship with my daughter, but don't know what to do about her 2 children. I don't want to lose them.
I'm very depressed, taking anti-depressants and seeing a therapist. It's not enough. I can't seem to function on a day-to-day basis. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
I endured verbal abuse for years. When it got physical it took me a few years to really realize it. It was shortly after I left because someone gave me a place to go with my two small girls. You both need to get these people out of your lives. I know it may seem hard but they are not showing you any love, compassion or anything else you need. I love you more than they do and I am a stranger. There is nothing there for you. You don't need them abusing you at every turn. You need to cut them out and stop letting them run or ruin your lives. It's easy for us to see because we are on the outside but try to put it like this, if your friend was going through the same thing what advice would you give them? Step back, take control and start living the life you deserve. Don't let them take anymore from you. They just don't care and it is something wrong with them not you. Can you honestly say you think you deserve any of this? It would take a pretty horrible person to say yes. Please think about this. You are not what they say. They are sick. Don't let their sickness continue to ruin your lives. I would also say that if you can find a doctor or support group who can continue to tell you that you are not to blame. You are worth more than that.
I'm not sure where I went wrong. I grew up mentally, spiritually and sexually abused. My mother tried to use a gun on my sister and myself. My brother is violent and I haven't seen him in 30 years. My husband has been cheating on me for 20 years and now isn't sure what he wants anymore. My daughter said I'm pathetic cause I put up with abuse. I have tried to keep my distance from my birth family and I put up with a lot with my husband... My daughter told me herself I was an excellent mother. And everyone knows tells me that too.
But she told me today that something must be wrong with me and maybe her dad and my parents aren't wrong after all. She has been very cruel.
It seems to me that when you don't respect yourself you get no respect from anyone else. Please see that always giving in to others and being their punching bag or doormat always leads to them not respecting you. Stand up for yourself quietly and calmly. If you have a history of being abused it is difficult to see abuse when it happens as you have been "trained" to take it. I am almost sixty years old and have finally "got it" I do not let anyone treat me poorly. I have learned that people who act like that do not belong in my life and that it says more about me when I allow it then it does about them. Be kind to yourself. There are other kind persons out there. Leave the abusers to their own sick twisted games and have no contact with them. Wishing you the best