could use some advice and support please
im so sick of feeling bad and numb, idk why i feel this way but i felt this way for as long as i can remember,im so sick of it. ive also always been just slightly socially awkward, i have a big dream that im working on reaching but its still hard for me to try and be inspired, my goal is to make a business doing in home nutritional cooking classes, im in school, im doing kickboxing to loss weight, im reading books to learn more, i should be in therapy tho caus i need to be mentally ready and appealing for the client to like me. thats the one thing idk know how to work on really, people never really been drawn to me, im not very out going or good at talking, im good at helping people in class with cooking so i think i will be more confident when with a client but idk my future is riding on beening liked by my clients and working hard. i had mental break down the other day i just didnt want to try any more i didnt want to live any more in a way, ugh idk what to do...
You can do it!!Keep us posted on how everything goes!!!
Before you tear yourself apart about a job/career, you need to take care of yourself. I'm really impressed that you're eating well, exercising, and trying to lose weight- those are really hard things to do when you're depressed. I know, I gained about 20 pounds at the worst point of my depression, and it's been a struggle to stay healthy. Secondly, good for you for staying in school despite your depression; you're obviously doing some things really well. In your self-care, I really encourage you to work with a therapist and your doctor. More importantly than making yourself "appealing" to perspective clients, you'll feel better about yourself and maybe find the source of your depression. Likewise, talk with your doctor ASAP to discuss possible medications. The Catch 22, is many anti-depressants can cause weight gain, but it's worth a few extra weekly runs to feel better about yourself.
About your career: it sounds like you have a great goal that would not only help you but other people as well. As for being a quiet person or even socially awkward, I wouldn't dismiss that as a bad thing- many people (ie. me) find exercise and healthy cooking gurus really annoying when they're always so damn peppy. Be yourself, and you'll eventually attract clients with similiar personalities- the whole world isn't full of hyperactive bunny-like people- Thank God!
I think it's really cool you're doing kickboxing; I also love it- great for the bod and the self-esteem. Would you ever consider trying to teach a class, even in front of the mirror, to a friend or 2, or to a community class. Try doing it in front of the mirror, if nothing else you can laugh at yourself for looking ridiculous (everyone looks kind of stupid when kickboxing.)
As for not being very "good at talking"- maybe you just need to find your voice. Have you thought about starting a public blog where you share your weight loss journey, your career/life goals, what you're learning in your classes and books, and maybe even upload a few videos of you demonstrating healthy cooking techniques. It could be a great way to start marketing yourself, and in creating a blog you have all the time you need to decide what to say and you can have a friend edit.
A final thing about your career goal: it's nearly impossible to start a successful business without prior experience in the industry. Could you look for a job or even a volunteering gig working with a company/individual that does the type of work you'd like to do? You can learn what they do well, how your personality/ style fits into the industry, and decide what you could improve. You could also give free (for them) practice (for you) cooking classes to your family, friends, or classmates.
I wish you the best; you're really making a lot of healthy life choices when depression makes it really hard to do so. Please reach out to a therapist, your doc, and maybe a support group. You're working really hard, but depression is too big for one person to tackle alone. Keep us updated; best of luck!
People in the real world will like you, I mean, out of school. You have a talent to help people so they will appreciate your help and will like you for who you are, not about having interesting conversations, just plain talk, the help with cooking, your personality will come out fine. I feel like you are a good person with a lot to give. Go for it! Let us know how you are doing! Please.