my reality for what seems like forever . whooosh , whooosh , whooosh . i hear nothing else except the blood curdling , frantic screams of the other brutally broken patient's harrowing cries of pain . eventually , these can be the sounds that make your loved ones question whether they should pull the plug to put both of you out of misery . fighting to stay alive when my punctured lungs burned like smoldering embers in my battered chest and the fractures stung like shattered glass within me . i choked on my own gasping breath unable to mutter the slightest sound as the tubes infiltrated my airways . i long to cry out ; "why am i being restrained by these tubes when i did nothing to deserve this cruel inhumane punishment ? " all i wanted to do was to go home to the safety of my loving mate , to the comfort of my bed . i would stare at every second of the clock at my side as it mercilessly counted off the days of loneliness with no stimulation but a visit from a bellowing nurse insisting that i musn't pull the contraption from my mouth . the hours turned into days . the days turned into weeks yet the machine continued looming over me like an albatross . "someone please put me out of my misery " . i would scrawl in massive desperate words on the pad that replaced my ability to express myself normally . how many times must this nightmare revisit me sometimes nightly ? i awake frozen , dripping wet . i feel the crushing of my chest . i hear the roaring of the respirater . i cry out but can't be heard .. my reality for what seems like forever . throughout my day the cruel memories flash over and over again . i'm seemingly being tortured and for what ?
i want u all to know how much you have touched me ...
johanna , your words of encouragement continue to inspire me just as your strength does . with u in my corner i will try to dig down deep to pull up more hidden memories that haunt me as i long to slumber . your blessings and praise mean the world to me and i know u mean them from the bottom of your heart . u are so right that the release from my soul has already been a great relief and i'm relieved to say the nightmare didn't visit me last night .
suzee , for u to call me strong is a resounding compliment that i will never forget .
my dearest lace , as your s.m. , the fact that u admire me means the world to me . your unwaivering support has been an incredible comfort and a godsend . when i have felt isolated u have always been there with a kind word to soothe me .
mike , my bff , the fact that u have claimed me as your friend makes it more special that my post has touched u . thank u for your kind words as i continue to attempt to conquer my demons . it makes me feel so special to know that u would want above all to save me .
dare , your prayers are special gifts .
with my love to all of you ...barri
You are very welcome. Here for you in any way that I possibly can be... Always. Bug hugs!! xx
Oh barri ! i am so sorry you have experienced so much! It sounds absolutely terrible and you are brave to keep putting one foot in front of the other each day!
Please know you are not alone! As others have said, big hugs to you, big hugs to you! Hugs are the best.