A daughter who is always wrong
I am a 55 year old widow, mother of 4 and grandmother of 11. I am the caregiver for a 11 year old granddaughter, whom I have guardianship of, a 34 year old son with aspergers, and my 85 year old mother.
My 34 year old son has had relationships and has been married for a couple of years but due to his aspergers his relationships don't last long.
My granddaughter is 11, I have had sole care of her since she was 5 months old. I will call her Renae, was born with Cerebal Palsy, Microcephaly, her brain stopped growing at birth. These are her two main problems. She also has no natural melatonin to tell her to go to sleep. So I have to heavily drug her with adult dosages of meds to get her to sleep. Sometimes this is 2-3 times a night. She has had a feeding tube since she was a year old. Believe it or not she is my easiest charge. Renae is in the 5th grade and walks in a walker, rides a trike, uses switches to play the computer, is doing spelling words and addition with adaptive methods.
My mother is my most trying charge. The dr says she doesn't have all timers but she may be in the early stages as I have to keep repeating myself to her.
I can't do anything to suit her weather it is cooking or talking. She is getting hard of hearing so when I have to repeat myself and I talk loudly she thinks I am mad at her and says just forget I asked or I am going to just stop talking to you.
I have to be here most of the time as she will fall or can't stand up when she is sitting or going to the bathroom. Therefore I don't go out much. the only time I get away is to go to a family dinner on Sunday's. Other than my son there is no one else to help care for her. My brother and sister live 5 miles away but can not care for her.
We have limited resources as the income that they get barely pays the bills and for one reason or another I receive no income for caring for them. I can not go out and get a job as I need to be here or at least be able to leave when they need me. I wish i could find a job that I could do at home that is on the up and up but that doesn't seem possible.
I have cared for people it seems all my life and wish I could find one that would care for me but no one would want my baggage and I never go anywhere to find someone. I just feel like to weight of the world is sitting on my shoulders and would like someone to help lift the weight.
I just keep telling myself that God only gives you what you can handle but I wish I was as strong as he knows I am :0) I know that I am right where God wants me but sometimes I just need to talk with someone.
Does anyone have any questions or ideas on what works for them?
I looked after my 83 year old father at home when my mum died, he was bed ridden and was in a hospital bed in my living room. He totally relied on me for everything, feeding, dressing, toilet and shower...he had the onset of dementia, I also had family not far away that would hardly visit never mind care for him. Myself and son who was 19 at the time had to try and deal with everything...I felt trapped, desperate for company, so I joined an online chat group! That saved my sanity...I chatted, viewed them on webcam, played music in the chat room...I actually visited the friends I had made online after my father died..in Canada...maybe you should try that x
i have faith in God only giving me wha ti can handle but that bloomen Satan can sure add his pile of manure. lol
i have a sister i care for . she was locked up for 23 years and drugged to the point that she lost most her intelligence , and alot of her health. she cannot cook, manage her smokes (she can burn her hands for she can not tell when the flame is burning her hand)she has developed so many problems from the meds it is not even funny.
i am blessed that i not only found a place to volunteer but work that accepts my sister for she has to be around someone 24/7 or she does nto do well. where i work /volunteer she can feel like she belongs too for they accept her and are kind to her there. she does the dishes in the staff room and hauls bags of clothing to the recycle bin and breaks down boxes. at tiems she struggles with this. she has a degree in criminolgy Go figure hey.
i have a 93 year old mother i care for when she gets hurt or is ill but thankfully that is not to often. i struggle with my moim to much. i have a daughter with many health challenges and she lives at home still.
i do have a husband whom helps me a great deal.
i used to get more mad at my family for not helping and i am starting to believe they can't handle it and that is why they avoid and refuse to help. they do not have the skills or compassion needed to care for a family memebr. both my siblings are more fincially motivated and focused on material items and never gottent he importance of family. doesn't make them right or wrong i guess just makes them different. i guess i shoudl be thankful God gave me the ability to feel caring thoughts with in and the ability to follow through. i think going through life not being able to care for others in need or follow through it they care would be so very hard to live with.
all i know if my sister was well and i was not she would be there for me. mind ya she may not be as nice as me . lol just kidding
both you ladies hang in and take that hand and give yourself a pat on the back for job well done for i am sending one to you so you have to finish it off for me. graciously accept the gift of love and caregiving for you both know first hand not all share within the gift. when i accepted my siblings lacked this gift alot of my frustration and anger towarads them left me.
mind ya the goverment well that is a different matter. my brother gets over 5 thousand per month to care for a male not as abad as my sister and i get 700 and buy all her food and clothing. grrrrrrrrr now that gets me down but then i rememebr that many are in the same boat and if all were paid that much my taxes would be even higher. guess i can't even get mad at the goverment . lol