When the other parent is in prison and you are a victim of guilt??? Single motherhood is really single....
I'm new to the website so this is my first post. I have a 13yr old daughter who father has been in prison since she was 6yrs. He was charged with multiple sexual assaults on a minor. The girl was his brother's step daughter so she was family. A little background about us, he was my first boyfriend and was very controlling. he was abusive, physically and emotionally. Most of our relationship was chaotic and had no stability. He has always been in and out of jail that complicated the situation, because i thought he needed me. I was wrong, I became an enabler. I realized later I lacked love so I looked for it in him, which I never got. As a father he did not help me with the care of our daughter. I feel almost responsible because I can not fulfill that void in her life. Its been rough emotionally and financially. His family have zero presence in her life. I really regret ever making decision to deal with him...but I love my daughter.
My problem now is that Im haunted by this relationship. We officially broke in off in 2004. We had always been back and forth so thats the last date I remember when I had enough. I have dreams of his abusive ways, I cant get the thoughts of what he did me out of my head, I also think about the crimes he committed. I live in fear, I have not moved on because of this unconscious inside pain I have. I have tried counseling but it is extremely difficult it makes me physically sick. I have flash backs sometimes I can cry instantly if i ponder too much about it. I need to be whole because I want to have a meaningful relationship. I have only maintained sexual relationships with men for fear of rejection, being neglected, and getting emotionally involved. How to move on??? Its getting really lonely and i want my daughter to see a healthy version of love between a man and woman. Any advice would help and questions are encouraged for any feedback. Thanks for reading.
Michelle307~ Sorry to hear you story ..There are so many out there it is sad..There is hope and there is a better life waiting for anyone who wants it..I have been divorced for 8 years and it took me just about 4 years to recovery after he was gone to ever date again..I was messed up and the trail of abuse for 20 some years killed my family..I have 3 kids and to this day I miss them all..I'm finally slowly talking to my daughter and it has been 11 months since we have been together..last night we had time together and it just warmed my heart..We, should I say I shared and tried to explain why I was a mess...Why I cried so much and how I did the very best I could..I loved my kids to pieces and did everything for them and gave them the best but, me..I had nothing to offer as I was so sick..I could not even sit and talk to them as I never really knew how..Last night I did and by the Grace of God I'm going to rebuild a better than ever relationship with my daughter that will bring us a bond that will never break us apart again..We never stopped loving each other as we were close but, her and I were in~meshed from being in the Alcoholic home which anyone knows is not healthy..I just pray in time I will be back with the boys soon..That one is harder as the youngest struggle with additive behavior like his Dad and the oldest is so angry.. Anything is possible and I keep dreaming that one day my family will be back together better than ever and HEALTHY!! What a mess an ADDICT and ABUSIVE person can make of a home if we allow it..
Its a tough situation to have to deal...it helps to open up cause honestly my past is embarrassing cause i always said that i would not go through a relationship being abused by a man and i found myself right in the thick if things. I know that people have had similar situations but you still feel like no one would understand cause they would ask the complex question why....until i completely understood the cycle of violence and how it starts then you don't want to be judged. i was very broken still am. I lost my self and never knew my self worth but Im learning how to love myself but its not easy cause i still feel trapped. so i just try to focus on doing what makes me happy. Moving on? How do you women move on with healthy relationships with men? I don't allow abuse but in a way i feel that i still accept whatever from a man or i avoid intimacy....Please share
teesa09~I found I only lived and learned the hard way and it has stunk...I had to find why I was doing what I was doing and why I was attracted to the men I was..It was all I knew..I was raised by a very sick man and a very sick home and that is all I knew..Sounds like a load of crap but, I was my truth..It was all I knew and to my core I had to find a way to fix it..Find a way to find value on my and change my way of thinking and the people I was around..I took may years alone at I mentioned above and worked on me.It worked and when I went out and in time I met the most amazing man that treated me like gold..He was so sweet and kind I was in love..We dated for 2 1/2 year until I broke things off as he could not commit to me and that was hard for me but, I needed more in my life and he knew he had a problem from his childhood and he was not being far to me..For once someone was not blaming me and putting there problems on me..For once someone was putting me on top..It was a hard loss and then I had a man that I knew that moved back into town that I thought was healthy and wanted to date me and I did way to soon after the love of my life..I know now I wanted to replace him and I wanted him back and because I was not ready and on top of my game I let a sick man back into my life..I paid the price and for that I lived and learned once again..You see my intuition told me not to go out with this man and I did as I saw the other man in him and wanted that back so bad..Our intuition is with us to guide us and serve us and I let myself down..I paid that price dearly not only mentally but, financially..