The Silent Killer
Just like an inferno verses carbon monoxide so was my abuse. Sometimes I wish the abuse had been more overt. The potential to recognize it, or others recognizing it or just simply being better able to assess it and then respond. It took me way too long to find the real source of the slow burn and then respond accordingly. I feel sad about that. Something to really consider. Treatment providers even have difficulty recognizing. By the time all the damage has been done it's...well unfortunately pretty deep, ugly and resistant. I HAD to hit rock bottom before I figured it out consciously. I self-medicated for years. Can anyone relate to this in childhood and/or in relationship.
I think so, yes. I try not to think of the years "lost". I've hit bottom many times. i've been fortunate to have found good providers so I was able to learn much from them. When I first began with therapy, i was very hard on myself for having made so many mistakes. it's hard for me not to be self-critical. my mom is very critical so i probably learned that from her.
I think I know what you mean too. My mother and father both hated me so I had to do pretty much everything on my own. When I got a little older they began to beat me for getting in their way. They were both police officers so they knew how to hit without leaving a mark. Ibegan to self medicate on my mothers medications. It was awful. When I had my mental break last year t was the first time that I went to the hospital in my whole life. I was beyond hitting rock bottom I was down and out but they helped me. They understood my thinking or at least pretended to I began to feel that no matter what I wouldn't be okay so I wasn't going to ever hit rock bottom again. I stood up for what I wanted and now I have a way out. It's a long shot and it won't be for a long time but I can't let myself break ever again.
So glad that you are tting the help you need now. God Bless you