Filling you in.
So for anyone who has been following my story recently since I ran away to MA I think we finally reached the end of the story.
So as you all know the guy I ran to in MA to get away from my family and the drug charge ended up having a fiancee and he kept me for a few weeks with him until he raped me too hard and put me in the hospital.
I'm in the hospital right now still recovering but they have called the police on New York and have decided since I haven't taken my medication since I ran away that they were going to send me to a higher risk insane asylum.
I'm scheduled to leave as soon as I can walk again and the internal bleeding stops. I don't know if I'll be able to have contact with this website while I'm in there I doubt I'll get internet but I'll post whenever I can and answer all my private messages then.
I don't think I'm in any state to give advice dears but I will try my best.
They are still keeping the gang away from me that were after the drugs that I had and I'm only in contact with one of them that is stupid enough to want to date me before I get sent away.
I have three people here with me from New York to make sure I don't commit suicide and I'm constantly in hand cuffs on the sides of my bed so please try not to worry I'll be fine.
I guess it's just another chapter in my life with whatever could go wrong just has to to prove to me that it can.
I wish you all the best and I hope I'll be able to talk to you soon.
Much love -M&m
bpdkid I am glad you are ok, I was so sorried when you didn't respond to your PM anymore. Keep me up to date and @ wont' quit I really want to talk to you through PM, I really want to hear your story ASAP. Iwill be on here tonight and I will write. I love to ask questions and I want the answers. So I really want to hear your story, THat is where I want my life to go. Hope you can talk later. Goofy
What's most amazing to me while reading this is how incredibly well one can type while handcuffed to a bed.
Do you think that this higher level of an insane asylum is going to in any way help you to find the real change you may be looking for? Do you really want to stay in chains?
or do you WANT to be FREE?
If you want to be FREE SEEK TRUTH.
No matter how far you fall there is a HAND OF KINDNESS willing to reach down to rescue your soul. An ARM that isn't too short to save you from yourself. An ear that is open to listen and a heart that is tender and merciful who's love never fails.
It's your choice who you choose to believe in this world. Nobody is too crazy or too bad to find healing.
I remember the story of a man named Legions. I met a woman like him once when I was in prison (for hitch hiking believe it or not..five day sentence with hardened criminals)
She was in solitary confinement and they'd taken everything from her, even her clothing. She was there stark naked lying in a cell and would start crying out and making all kinds of strange noise like a wounded animal. I couldn't believe she was there and not in a hospital so I asked the guard if she'd let me out of my cell to sit by hers and just pray for her, sing to her, read the Bible to her or anything at all that might bring comfort to her tormented mind.
Incredibly the guard let me out and when I got there at first she screamed and clawed at me (I was sitting outside the cell where she was being held in solitary confinement) but I started to sing just anything I could think that might calm her down and sure enough, within only a few minutes, she was peaceful.
Then I read her the 23rd psalm and every other comforting scripture verse I could find and she lay there perfectly still, just listening. She never made a sound.
She asked if I'd sing hymns for her so I sang every one I could remember from my childhood days (I'd not been in church for awhile at that time)
Within about an hour or so she fell asleep.
The woman who was the guard that night asked why I was there and why on earth would they have locked me up, then asked if I'd mind doing the same thing for that young woman however long she was there until they could get her into a state hospital.
It wasn't the first time I'd dealt with total insanity but the worst I'd ever seen someone overtaken by it.
I hope and pray you can realize that your life is precious to God who created you and healing is possible. I've known people who completely lost their minds find their souls who are now sound of mind and doing great things to help others all over the world.
You could too if you'd choose to turn from the darkness back to the LIGHT and walk in the Steps of the One who will lead you to green pastures and still waters, annoint your head with oil and heal every wound by His love.
LOVE is so much BETTER than SEX or DRUGS or ALCOHOL when it comes to filling the hole in a person's soul and making sense of such a crazy world as this one.
I just PM'd you. You might shoot me over my comments but they are my feelings left wide open for you to tear apart.
It's hard to see the 'good' in the evil we've experienced. Trust me, maybe not today, but someday opportunities will find you. Question is, will you have discovered the Gifts in your devastations to respond? In your worst experiences, including rape, embrace it or miss your opportunity to help others who live in your shoes. Why? BECAUSE IT HELPS YOU FIRST! Your self-esteem, your self-worth, your confidence, you could be the person you want to be. You might actually feel 'normal' (don't worry, nobody's 'normal').
Point is, IT'S NOT WHAT HAPPENS IN YOUR LIFE, IT'S HOW YOU CHOOSE TO ACCEPT IT. Like they say "We are are own worst enemy"... and you can be your own worst enemy. You may not have realized it, but you already told me many special positives about you, and that's just a pin-needle.. for example, do you remember our discussions about your 'Gifts'? How about your manipulation of people... instead I read a girl that's in touch with other's psyche (that's a BIGGIE!). Your horrendous tragedies Gifted you with survival and coping instincts. You don't hide the truth of your fk'd up life, so many people need to hear the other side... YOU'RE A SPARK PLUG!
On the lighter side, you're worthy for anybody's Love. So many feel they're superior and too good for everyone. Truth is, everybody is superior... that's we're not clones. Instead of looking at those 'winners', look at what you have that they don't. Stud Puppy or Dork, learn to Love even if it hurts. Be brave and "Feed Your Heart", even if it fails. Just do me a favor, be APPROPRIATE and remember "Sex is not Love" (call me "Daddy"). As for the rest of the world, when they see your confidence and 'who you are', good people will show you their friendship and more. Accept it all, but no faster then the failures you can handle. They are human too, we all fail.
Embrace the bad, fill yourself with your Gifts and one day God will use it. Just be ready. Oh, BTW, this isn't about 'them'... THIS IS ABOUT YOU FIRST! Every time you mess up, it's not failure, it's what we do. Instead, realize it, know it's done, over and past and 'Learn' from it... just don't do things like I've done and put myself in danger. Until you heal, you have nothing to give.
You thought I was done. GET HELP! All I said cannot be done by yourself. Get profesional help. If that's an issue, I'll help you find some directions for assistance. Sometimes it's painful and long, requires straightening out several issues, finding where you want to go and making a plan to get there and most importantly OPENING YOUR CRUSTY CHAINED HEART and get back in Life's game... it can free you to live the life you want. Until you heal, you have nothing that you don't have now and you have nothing to give. Yes you got got it harder then most. But you and I know it's the hands we were dealt. I'm not going to let 'Life' control me... IT'S MY LIFE and the "Work's' been worth it. "Your Turn". PM me. Cuss me out, just PM me... JOHN