childhood sexual abuse
This really sucks. I hate that everything that is me is him. I hate him, and I don't understand why I stand up for him. Why was it so hard for me to get the help and support I need. But yet it's not really there; and I'm as sad as ever. It was supposed to be a good healthy step for me to confront my family and tell them that I was sexually abused by my brother, cousin, and friends as a kid. Why didn't my mom and dad stand up for me to my brother as soon as I told her about the abuse? All they did was say they are sorry and should have known. No shit my parents should have known. If I didn't have my boyfriend by my side my brother would have never even been confronted.
My brother told me that he was the perpetraure and I was the victim. Then why hasn't he seeked more counseling like I asked him to, or spoke to his wife about it? I recently got off my anti-depressant because it was making me sleepy all the time. But still now all I do is sleep!! My fiancé (we just got engaged) thinks that I don't need anything else since my brother has admitted to his abuse. But I still do!!! The sexual abuse went on way to long, and then after that was the physical abuse. And when I was in 7th grade, he was a sophmore he started using meth so that made his fits so much bigger; and on top of that he was raising me since my dad left us and my mom was seeking her own help.
When I was younger I printed out this horoscope thing about my childhood and I would just constantly read it because it told me that my childhood was going to suck but my adulthood was going to make up for it big time. And as a 23 year old I feel like I have had a wonderful and fullfiling life except for this stupid burden.
As for those other people who sexually abused me my brother and his friend made me have sex with them, they were my age and younger, so I'm not sure what you call them.
I don't know the next step to this healing process.
I totally understand how you feel, I also experienced childhood sexual abuse so seeing your offender is sorta hard while trying to get over the cause of so much pain in your life. It hurts when you think your offender doesn't care enough to seek counseling. So honey i understand your pain. Just try to stay positive my offender is my father and my mother who i love is still with him even after his abuse to me, and recently I just moved back in with my mother because I couldn't afford living on my own and I hate that I'm back around him, and also you're lucky you have a supporter like your fiance. A support system is wonderful, so stay positive.
My heart goes out to you for healing and most of all I want you to know you are not alone..I'm 47 and I was abused starting at the age of 9 when I lost my father ..The abuse followed me for most of my adult life.. I'm breaking the chain at a later part of my life causing much grief and loss..It has ruined all that I have built and all I have ever dreamed of..Please don't let it do the same for you..You stated you have a wonderful man that loves you and for that you are BLESSED..Move on with your life and let go of trying to get anyone to understand you that has not experienced what you did..It will never happen as they just can't imagine in a million years what it takes from you..I found the only way for me to find the true peace I was searching for was to remove myself from all sick people that can harm me..It was the only way that I could work past my PTSD and have a happy life that I deserve that God intended me to have..Loss is it not easy and grief is just as hard but, if there is Will in your soul you will find a way..Good luck to you!!
I was also abused by my father. When I first admitted it to myself, I was 25 years old. I confronted my father, he said "yeah, it was wrong, so what?", and was very cold about it. A few years later, after I was married, I confronted him again, this time, he apologized and that made a big difference for me. He was willing to talk about it and told me if I ever needed to discuss it further, he would be willing to talk. I still struggled and it took time to heal. I was in a really bad marriage, which didn't help. I thought my husband was the answer to redeem my past, he wasn't, he was a very sick person with his own secrets. You have experienced a trauma at the hands of several people. Although they want to sweep it under the rug, you can't. Your brother's actions of wanting to run away from it are probably hurting your wounds. If he hasn't told his wife, that would eat away at me every time I saw them. Secrets are not to be kept, this needs exposure. If your family helps keep it hidden, you will need a healthy support group. Your fiance' can't fix this, he probably has issues (we all do) that he will need a healthy wife to help him carry his burdens through life. Reach out for some counseling from a person experienced with abuse before you get married.
Also, I had to learn that the abuse did not happen to me because there is something wrong or different with me; but, because the abuse happened to me, I am different. As I learned how to heal, I had knowledge to help others to heal. I also have a knowledge to recognize the warning signs sooner than most. Anyone who has not experienced this, they will not fully understand.
Also, remember, anyone is capable of doing this; a whole lot of people have. If your brother was abused, it was what he learned to do and he needs to get help, but, you can't fix him.